Page 70 of The Monster in Me


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“Don’t test me Sebastian,” I shout, kicking my legs back hoping to strike him where it counts, but he’s quicker and stealthier than me. He spins me in his arms, pressing my chest against his as his mouth comes down on me. He swallows my screams as his mouth fights against mine for control, but I’m too overwhelmed. I can’t give into the feeling, to the ecstasy I usually feel when his lips meet mine. His words ring in my ear, vibrating through me and making me tremble in fear.

I hoped it would happen.

Who the fuck does he think he is? How was that his decision to make?

I try to bang my hands against his chest, fighting with everything in me to get away. That’s when I feel it, feel him. His thick erection presses into me, all of it, completely bare. I grab his dick in my hand tugging it as I bite his lip. “Fuck,” he shouts, releasing me with a shove. I fall back against the sand, staring up at him with tears of anger welling up in my eyes.

Blood drips from his mouth, but he trails his tongue out along his bottom lip to wipe it clean. My eyes roam over his body from head to toe, his naked bottom half right in my line of view, his dick practically staring straight at me. He never put his pants on. He ran naked after me.

“Jade, please. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push you.” He steps forward, but I use my hands to lift myself and crawl backwards away from him with a sure look of terror in my eyes. Not because I’m afraid of him, but because I fear the realness of the look he’s giving me in return.

He tugs his hair through his fingers, turning and staring up into the cloud brimmed sky above us as he curses aloud, again. I use the distraction to stand and rush toward the beach house that is only a few yards away. I continue to run, my feet heavy in the sand, but this time he doesn’t run after me. He simply struts at an even pace in my direction.

My feet ache when I kick off my sandals, the soles of my bare feet scraping against rough sand as I push through. My lungs burn as the cold wind rushes through them, the tears swelling in my eyes being swallowed down my throat which threatens to close up. I reach the house well before him, but quickly realize why he was suddenly in no rush. The door is locked. What the hell was I thinking, of course it would be locked. I should have ran back toward the academy, or further along the beach instead of running tohishouse. I pull on the doorknob, twisting and turning it hoping it will somehow magically loosen up and unlock. I know how to pick a lock but currently have no bobby pins or anything that would allow me to do so. Besides this is some weird old school lock with an antique shaped keyhole, it wouldn’t work.

I turn to him with a look of sorrow flashing across my eyes, making him increase his speed, rushing up the steps to meet me. “Jade,” he whispers, out of breath as he reaches past me to unlock the door. As soon as he does I push past, rushing inside, up the stairs, and directly to his bedroom down the hall. There’s no escaping him, no use in hiding from him, he’ll follow me wherever I go, he’ll catch me anywhere I run. Right now, all I can think about is that I need to get to the bathroom.

I barely make it in time, actually I don’t, as I vomit along the tiled floor, only half of the contents of my stomach making it into the toilet bowl. Again for the third time in less than twenty-four hours, I hurl profusely on my knees, only this time nothing comes out. Nothing but spit and clear phlegm leave my mouth, after all I’m now empty inside. I’m kneeling before the toilet, my body bent forward as sobs escape me for the second time today. I hear him before I feel him, stepping inside and dropping to his knees beside me. Then I feel him, his hand moving to tug lightly against my hair, pulling it back and away from my face. He fastens it with a hair tie, though I’m not sure where he found one, before I feel him shift away as the sink faucet starts running before shutting off. A cold towel is then placed behind my neck cooling the ache that I feel within me.

“There is no use in hiding it, in hiding from me Jade. I’m here and I don’t plan on going anywhere.” A pang of guilt hits me like another wave of nausea when I realize how selfish of me it was to keep this from him. What must he have felt not knowing if I was truly pregnant or not, living with constant thoughts of what if? He’s seemed so out of sorts lately and this is probably why, but at the same time, I feel overwhelmingly furious that he purposefully did this with an end goal in mind. How dare he think I was ready to become a mother, how dare he impregnate me on purpose?

“This wasn’t your fucking call to make Sebastian,” I mutter, waving my hand back to push him off of me, “You are not a fucking God, you can’t control everything. I’m not yours to control.”

His fingers rub soft circles along the back of my neck, applying a slight bit of pressure against the tension knots along my spine. “I don’t want to control you Jade…”

“Bullshit,” I laugh out loud, moving to stand as I rush toward the sink. I let the water run cold before splashing my face and rinsing out the bitter taste left in my mouth.

He stands to follow me, his gray eyes watching me through the mirror as his body hovers over me, caging me against the vanity. “I wanted to make sure you wouldn’t run away, like you always seem to do when shit gets real. When things don’t fit into the plan you’ve created for yourself, when they become too tangible, you run.” His hands come to rest on my shoulders, the rough skin of his fingertips tracing along my collarbones and around my neck, as his eyes remain glued to mine. It’s like I’m paralyzed by his eager gaze, unraveling everything within me which I’ve tried so hard to keep hidden. Layer by layer he’s uncovering my weaknesses, shining light on my numerous flaws, but worst of all exposing my deepest fears.

“You freak out, get scared, and run. You’ve done it every time we’ve fucked, you did it when you saw your brother, you did it again just now. You run Jade, like the little scared wolf you are, but what you don’t realize is I’m done chasing you. I’ve decided that this time, I’m going to catch you, throw you in a fortified, gilded cage, and never let you go.” His right hand wraps tightly around my neck, sending a roaring wave of desire through me like the ones currently slamming against the shore right outside the window. I can hear them, splashing and rumbling against the sand, like my stomach currently does. Just like my stomach is in dire need of food, the horny fucking beast in me demands to be fed.

Yet I can’t get myself to accept it. My mind won’t let my body give into the feeling and submit to the pleasure it is surely bound to revel in. I turn to face him, my body still tightly closed in and pressed against the vanity, “It’s not your choice to make Sebastian, what if I never wanted to be caught? What gives you the right to do so anyway?” I turn back around, laughing at myself as I stare at my grisly reflection in the mirror. Bulging, tired eyes, dark circles, a blotchy complexion. I’m terrifying, my exterior finally matching what I feel like inside. “I never wanted to have kids, I,” he watches me, his eyes softening as a flash of guilt glimmers within them. “You took that choice from me all because you were tired of me turning you down. Your pride, your ego, couldn’t fucking take it so you thought you’d tie me down and make me yours. Where is my say in this Bass?”

He grips my shoulders, turning me back around to face him as he moves into me, pressing my lower back into the bathroom vanity, lowering his forehead to mine. “I took it into my own hands because I knew you never would. You self-sabotage Jade, I can see it every time we’re together, every time you feel the slightest bit of anything, happiness, sadness, anger, you turn the situation into something meaningless you can control.” He rubs his nose against mine, and I can feel the sorrow within his grim heart. At least that’s what it used to be, an empty shell filled with nothing but hatred and a false sense of obligation, though now, it’s permeated with the same foreign emotions I’ve recently become accustomed to. He inhales a deep breath, closing his eyes as his tongue comes out to graze my mouth. “I’m tired of watching you question how you feel about me because you're too damn scared to admit it out loud, to take a chance.”

“It won’t work, Sebastian,” I whisper, against his lips. I ache to feel them against mine, to let them consume me, all of me, but I can’t get myself to allow it.

The room turns ominously dark, the sun shielded by one of the many clouds lingering in the sky. Only the light coming from the bedroom balcony lighting up his face as I watch him fight the urge to let his rage consume him. Another one of his delightful personality traits, my man has a fucking temper.

“How can you say that?” he mumbles against me, his teeth grazing my bottom lip, taking it between them, “How can you endusbefore we even get the chance to begin?”

I shake my head against his, “Because we’re kidding ourselves if we think this,” I motion between the two of us, placing my hand flat against his chest, “Would end in any way other than calamitous disaster.”

“Those are the best kinds of endings...” he whispers, opening his eyes to gaze into mine.

“The tragic ones?” I mumble, hot tears falling upon my cheeks, searing my blotchy skin.

His hand moves to cup my cheek, my face leaning into his touch. “No, the epic ones, the lovers caught in the crossfire, tangled in barbed wire, and forged together with shackles made of gold. The epic loves that were meant to last a lifetime, only were kept apart by the fear of not becoming everlasting. But you and I, Jade,” he bites down on my chin, trailing his sharp teeth along my jaw, nibbling against my ears, “I know we’re endgame. I feel it in every inch of me, deep inside my bones. That means everything coming from a guy who up until he met you,” he closes his eyes, kissing me softly against my lips, “Felt nothing.”

It’s all too real, the feral emotions his confessions are bringing out of me, the confusion I feel from everything he’s just admitted, combined with how I’ve felt over these last few months, and since the beginning when I first met him, it’s breaking me apart, and not in a good way. I push off of him running out of the bathroom and into the bedroom to get away from all thefeelingshe’s bringing out of me, but it’s useless. Like always he catches me, this time wrapping an arm around my waist and turning me to slam against him. My nipples harden as they rub against his chest, already hard and needy for his touch. He doesn't trail his hands around my body or bring his mouth down on mine, he simply stares into my eyes, his silver vindictive, yet wistfully ambitious eyes taunting me. They’re deep-set, keen yet pleasant, like shallow pools drowning me and tugging me along with the current. His breath is hot against me, the smell of liquor mixed with something herbal and sweet infiltrating my nostrils.

I don’t know what it is that makes me so reluctant to accept my fate, to accept that no matter what I keep telling myself, I’ve belonged to Sebastian Silver since the first day he laid eyes on me. “I can’t Sebastian, I won’t lose myself in you. I’ve trusted few yet have been burned by many. I don’t have the strength to take any more chances. I’m weak, I’m vulnerable, but most of all I’m absolutely fucking terrified. I won’t forgive you for making me feel this way, for doing this to me without once asking if it’s what I wanted. You took that choice from me, took that decision into your own hands and now I’m doing the same. You won’t have me because I won’t fucking allow it, we’re done, this is over, now let me fucking go.”

Instead of heeding to my pleas like I’d hoped he’d do, hearing the desperateness in my voice, he starts fucking laughing, mocking me and everything I’ve just asked of him. The audacity, how fucking dare he.

I’m no longer in pain, now I’m completely rabid with anger. “I’m not joking Sebastian, let me go,” I cry out, slamming my fists against his chest.

“You’re out of your goddamn mind Jade Wolfe, if you think I will ever let you go. My darling girl, you've honestly lost it completely now.” His hand around my waist tightens its grip as his free hand grabs the back of my neck wrapping around it. Long, calloused fingers curl around, squeezing against my windpipes. I gasp for air as his fingers pulsate against my neck giving me air only to take it away just as quickly. “You think you have a say in this, you’re fucking insane. You are mine, in case I didn’t make it blatantly clear earlier, mine to control, mine to claim, mine to keep. Stop kidding yourself like it’s not exactly what you crave.”

Source: www.allfreenovel.com
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