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We were all searching for a sexcapade, but why be so crass? Was integrity extinct? I was convinced reverse evolutionary forces were at work here. No way these guys were getting laid. I hypothesized that the computerization of dating had mutated the modern bachelors into asinine celibates.
I had almost sworn off online dating forever. My finger hovered over the app’s delete button when an alert popped up.
Ricardo1990 is interested in you.
I shifted my finger and tapped on the alert. His picture filled up my screen. Ricardo’s jet-black hair lazily curled around a handsome face with heavy-set brows. I zoomed in on the image. I wanted a better look at his body. No rippling abs, but he looked strong and had droolworthy biceps. He stood tall with his head cocked up, exuding confidence and masculinity.
He was good-looking but not too good-looking to be out of my league. The briefest of battles raged between Logical Lila and Lustful Lila. The naughty vixen triumphantly swiped right.
Minutes later, another alert came through.
Ricardo1990: Hi there, beautiful. You have a gorgeous smile. I’m looking for something casual and fun. What about you?
Finally! I relished receiving a compliment that wasn’t derogatory. Logical Lila took notice of his grammatically correct sentences. Lustful Lila still drooled over his biceps.
A couple of days and a bazillion texts later, he’d convince me to meet him for tea. I had my distraction from Hawk. And if any chemistry erupted between us tonight, then it would be booty-call time, and I’d be cartwheeling it all the way to his house.
***
I spotted Ricardo lounging in his chair, tilting it back as it balanced on two legs. He’d chosen a small table in an intimate corner of the cafe. The only difference between his picture and reality was clothing and accessories. His sunglasses lay on top of his head, pushing his onyx locks away from his face.
I’d heard of online dating disasters where guys looked nothing like their profile pics.
Phew. No dating fiasco for me tonight.
He flashed me a dazzling smile.
Oh, this was going to be so much fun. Lustful Lila bounced up and down in agreement and was ready to spread her legs. Logical Lila wanted to hose her down.
I sashayed my hips toward him.
He ogled me up and down. His chair rocked forward until it thudded to the floor. He got up and approached me.
Did he want a hello hug? Or a kiss on the cheek? I just stood there and waited as he walked past me and pulled out my chair.
Well, that was nice.
I ran through my must-haves checklist. First on the list were manners.
Check.
Second was attractiveness.
Check. Check. Check. Check.
Hmm. Only two items on my list. I guess my standards weren’t high for boink-me-now candidates. I continued the sashay to my seat. Was he checking out my ass? I perched myself on my chair, and my date strutted to his side of the little bistro table.
“You’re even more beautiful in person.”
“Thank you…”Giggle“…Rick.”
What was happening to me? “…it’s nice to meet you too.”Giggle.My IQ plummeted with each fit of the giggles.
Quit it, Lustful Lila.
We had no reason to turn into a tittering tit just to get laid.
***
