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Within ten minutes, I was convinced tonight would end in fireworks between the sheets. We had little in common, but the attraction molecules were sparking between us. Lustful Lila wanted to lunge herself over the table and into his lap.
Down, girl. We haven’t even had our tea yet. “So, Rick, what’s your day job?”
Big mistake.
He pontificated about his job for an hour. Then rambled on about his career ambitions, the company he worked for, and who knew what else because I stopped listening a while ago.
I faked interest.
God, I hoped I wouldn’t have to fake anything else tonight. I tried to change the subject. “Really, well, Rick, I—”
He babbled on about his short-term goals, his medium-term goals, and his long-term goals. How many goals did a guy need?
Thirty minutes later. “Rick, what —”
Mr. Narcissist didn’t even notice. More on his regional clients, his national clients, his global clients…
“So, Rick, let’s —”
He droned on about his sales figures, his revenue stream, his net profit…
My jaw was killing me. How many yawns would I need to stifle? I peeked at my phone to see the time. Two hours had passed. His continued dissertation of He, Himself, and Him.
I should have had a deal-breaker list.
Lustful Lila was so turned off by his soliloquy that she stomped off and took my libido along with her.
I was about to lose my shit with him, but my chair suddenly wobbled. I gasped, and my hands gripped the edge of my seat. Our teacups toppled off the table and crashed into tiny pieces.
Shrieks echoed around the shop. My eyes darted erratically. People were running in every direction, panicked by the earthquake. Since when were earthquakes this bad in New York?
My heart thumped wildly. I peeled my gaze away and looked over to where my date had been sitting seconds before, but all I saw was an empty chair.
“Rick? Rick, where are you? Are you okay?”
No reply. “RICK!”
Why wasn’t he answering? Was he injured? My medical training kicked in. I didn’t know how bad his injuries were, and every second counted. I pried my fingers from their death grip on the chair, and I slunk to the floor.
Suddenly, the earthquake stopped. The floor was steady, but my body still trembled. I couldn’t stand it. I turned my head to check under the table. Rick cowered on his hands and knees. His trembling ass stared back at me.
“Are you hurt, Rick?”
“Is…is it…over?”
“I think so. Are. You. Hurt. Rick?”
“Shut up. And get me a drink.”
Huh? I gave his ass a death stare. “I can’t believe I was actually worried about your safety. Oh, and thanks for the help, by the way, you could have at least pulled me under there with you.”
“What do you mean? There isn’t enough space for both of us. You wouldn’t even fit under here.”
“What?”
“Don’t get me wrong. I like a chubby chick, but I’m far too important to risk my life saving you. People would miss me a lot more than they would you.”
“I can’t believe you just said that.” I scrambled off the floor. “Thanks for nothing, Dipshit.”
