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18
Lila
Iwhizzedthroughtrafficin my trusty old Toyota Corolla on the way to work after a mid-morning appointment at the dentist. During the drive, I realized I was finally getting back to my normal self by utilizing theOut of sight, out of mindtactic to my advantage. Hawk hadn’t texted me since that night over a month ago, and each time I was about to, I managed to delete the message before hitting the send button. After a few days, I was no longer checking my phone fifteen bazillion times an hour.
And even though I hadn’t had sex with a random stranger, I fully believed I was recovering from my lustful addiction to Hawk. And on top of that, I was feeling full-on confident today. Even my driving was bolder as I zoomed past a beat-up red Miata that was going at half the speed limit. I honked, then yelled at the driver to go faster.
At a red light, I looked at the man in the car next to mine. He wasn’t bad-looking, so I tugged my formfitting shirt down to reveal a bit of cleavage.
I winked at the driver.
I had given up on the whole online dating thing, but I was still on the hunt for a date, so I decided the old-fashioned way would be best.
The driver in the car quickly averted eye contact.
Well, shit. What the hell was I doing?
This wasn’t me, the sensual flirtatious type. That little voice in the back of my head was screaming at me to cover up with my blazer hanging on the hook behind me.
“Shut the fuck up!” I yelled at my insecurities. I was in control of my mind, and I wouldn’t let that shitty little self-sabotaging voice tell me I couldn’t be sexy if I didn’t look like a size zero supermodel. I had muted the sensuous side of me for far too long that I had convinced myself I didn’t have any sex appeal.
No more!
It was time for me to explore my sensuality. Fuck you, self-doubt, for trying to banish this part of me. Go to hell, society, for making me feel less than a woman because I didn’t look like the models in fashion magazines.
I’m a sexy vixen. I’m a beautiful bold woman.I repeated these words over and over again during the drive.
By the time I got to work, my mantras were working. It was almost 11 a.m., and finding a parking spot was almost impossible. The only spots left were reserved for the clientele.
Fuck it. I’ll steal one of their spots until lunch when I’d come back to find an employee spot.
Getting out of my car, I felt like I was in a movie as the badass heroine stepping out of a limousine in slow motion to an awesome soundtrack while the wind blew in her hair.
At that moment, as if the Universe wanted to send me validation that I was on the right track, a gust of wind blew into my hair. I threw my head back to let out a joyous laugh.
Big mistake.
The direction of the wind reaching my hair shifted, blowing my hair right on my face, over my eyes, and sending the ends of a few strands in my mouth.
Temporarily blinded, I stumbled into a small pothole and lost my balance. I face-planted onto the asphalt.
My boobs helped break my fall, preventing my face from hitting the ground. “Thank you, boobs,” I said out loud thinking no one could hear me.
A fraction of a second later, a car screeched to a halt next to me. I bet I was loud enough in my exclamation of gratitude for whoever the driver was to hear me. Shit.
Struggling against the wind, I jerked my head back to toss my hair out of my eyes as I spat out the ends. I was halfway up from the ground when I heard footsteps nearing and the most delicious gruff voice calling out to me. “Lila, you okay?”
I froze.
No. No. No. Why him? Why now?
But at the same time, I was flooded with relief that he was here. He was back.
I didn’t dare to look at him, so I looked up at the sky in frustration while sending a stream of silent swearwords to the Universe for its timing. Couldn’t you wait five minutes before letting him pull up?
Hawk bolted out of his car and reached me before I could even answer. From behind, he wrapped one arm firmly around my waist, helping me up, while the other lay on my shoulder, holding me steady. My back was now snuggly and perfectly nestled against his chest.
Hmmm, maybe this wasn’t such a bad thing, after all. I didn’t move. I didn’t want to. I was savoring every yummy moment of our touch.
