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19
Hawk
Stupidfuckingmove,Hawk.
I scanned the parking lot as I drove through it, peering into each car, behind them, between them. There were a few people, but no one I recognized. And none who looked like they might be a part of an MC.
Why had I overreacted and run out to help her? She was obviously fine. There was no blood. No screaming. No twisted limbs.
Christ, I had thought I was recovering from my Lila addiction, but the second she catwalked through the lot with her hair billowing in the wind, looking divine like a goddamn goddess, I was hooked again.
I watched as she went inside the clinic without even glancing back once. This was not like her. Was this infatuation no longer mutual?
She’d been so adorable after each of my sessions, searching the halls for me, trying and failing to be discreet about it, never knowing I was behind her, following from afar. I’d never let her discover me until I knew the coast was clear. And once I’d come out of the shadows, her eyes would light up in a way that had had my heart doing fucking pitter-patters, like some foolish puppy.
No one had ever been so goddamn happy to see me before without having ulterior motives. My pop had been proud to see me kill. Fiona had been greedy to see my credit card when we went shopping. My crew was always relieved to see me settle business. Even my cat wanted something from me like she expected me to cater to her every whim as if she was a queen and I, her servant.
Rambo was the only one who looked at me with genuine glee. I wouldn’t have made it through the last month if it hadn’t been for him. The innocent, goofy pup kept me sane. Each time the darkness threatened to smother me, he’d bounded over clumsily and licked my cheek. With a silly, crooked grin, he’d jump around and play bow until a spark of warmth chased enough of the darkness away to keep the old me from taking over completely. But, some days like today, it was a losing battle.
I pulled into a parking spot. A few text alerts had come in while I had patrolled the lot, so I took out my phone.
Robert: Methanex up 17% after the earning’s call this morning. Sell or hold?
I checked my stocks app. He was right. The price had shot up higher than I had originally expected, more than fifty percent since we purchased the stocks a year ago. And judging from the news about the company, it might go even higher. But this uptrend wasn’t sustainable.
Me: Sell ¾ to cash in profits. Hold the rest and watch daily.
Robert sent a thumbs up.
I just made my clients over fifty million dollars in capital gains on one stock. Damn, I was good at this. This was what I was meant to do.
I checked the other text message, the other half of my business sucking me back into the crime shit.
Jamal: The new recruits are ready. I’m going on a run with them later.
After having lost so many guys in the Humvee bombing, I needed to replace my numbers. I had held off for as long as I could, wanting to wait until this war with the Devil’s Eyes was over. But after a couple of weeks, I had no choice. I needed to get the money laundering operations back up to full speed. We vetted the new guys, doing the most thorough fucking background checks possible. I couldn’t risk one of Butch’s and Fiona’s spies infiltrating my crew.
Jamal had been training the new ones we picked up. In a few hours, they’d be doing their first run.
Me: Stay sharp.
Jamal: Always, boss.
There hadn’t been another attack in weeks. The MC had been lying low, the cowards. Or maybe they were planning something big. I had just spoken to Leo a couple of hours ago, but it wouldn’t hurt to check in on the whole operation before I went inside.
Me to Leo: Anything to report?
Leo: No. All quiet.
That made me nervous. It was too quiet. I doubted the Devil’s Eyes had given up. Then again, maybe they decided to quit since I had cut off access to their money. But Butch and Fiona weren’t ruled by money. They lived for blood and mayhem.
I checked the time. I was ten minutes late for my session with the sex shrink. Who cared? It would be my last anyway. Why had I even bothered to schedule it?
Thenewme would have never come back. He would have left Lila alone to live a normal life, not wanting to risk her safety while in the middle of a gang war.
But I wasn’t the new me anymore. The old me was fucking slithering under my skin, fighting to take over. The old me took whatever he wanted with his fuck-the-consequences attitude.
And we both wanted Lila.
