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With a deep sigh, I turn on my phone for the first time since Luke left me. I swallow down the painful knot in my throat just thinking his name causes.
There’s nothing from him. I’m not surprised, but a small part of me still hoped. I let that hope die and mix it with the rest of the pain swirling around inside of me.
“You want to go for a swim? Some sunshine might do you some good,” Jackson says from beside me.
My immediate reaction is to say no, but I glance out the sliding glass door at what looks like a comfortable early November afternoon and sigh. “Yea.”
I head upstairs and change into my olive-green one-piece swimsuit. Dylan meets me in the hall as I step out of my room. He smiles and pulls out his earbuds. He’s shirtless and sweaty and for the first time, I see the thin pink bullet scar on his right shoulder.
I frown and reach out and place my hand over it. He squeezes my hand, and his expression sobers. “Does it hurt?” I ask.
“Sometimes, but less and less,” he says.
He took on unimaginable pain, so that I didn’t have to. It’s humbling. I wish there was a word or phrase more powerful than ‘thank you.’
“No regrets.” He drops my hand and passes me to get to the bathroom. “I’ll meet you downstairs.”
The front door opens as I head down, and I help John unload the groceries. Jackson is with Garrett and Vera when I step outside. I toss my towel on the chair and dive in, grateful for the San Diego climate that makes warm sunshine possible this time of year. I float on my back and stare up at the cloudless sky.
John passes me on the deck and checks on me without a word before he settles into a lounge chair. Dylan jumps in and the guys talk about football. I’d join in, but I don’t have it in me.
My mind goes to the charity gala where I met Brody, and then I think of Luke as he rested his hand on my lower back and introduced me to everyone. He claimed me but had no problem ditching me when things got tough. I let out my air and sink to the bottom. I sit cross legged with my eyes closed and I can see Luke’s smiling face. Tears prick my eyes, but I get a reprieve by being underwater.
It’s quiet here with only my own thoughts and the hollow whir of the filter to keep me company.
The water moves in front of me and I open my eyes to see Dylan mirroring me with his legs crossed.
After a few more seconds, I surface, and Dylan follows. I suck in a lung full of air and grimace when the tears that I held back rush down my face. I sob and he guides me to the stairs. He dries me off as the numbness returns, wiping the tears away with the towel. “Want to take a nap?”
I nod and head inside to rinse off. I fall into bed and pull the comforter over my head to block out the pain. It doesn’t work.
