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She reaches out and takes my hand, twining her fingers around mine, and it feels like everything is right in the world.
“I want to forgive you. But you hurt me so much. It’s hard.”
I squeeze her hand. “I’m so sorry about that. More than you’ll ever know.”
She nods in understanding and musters up a wistful smile. “We sure had some good times though.”
“We sure did.”
I lean back and hold my arm out for her. She lays next to me on her back and rests her head where my arm meets my shoulder, looking up at the sky. The marine layer isn’t thick tonight, so a few stars twinkle through the city lights.
“Remember when we first met?” she asks after a few minutes.
“How could I forget?”
She moves her eyes over to mine and grins before she looks back at the sky. “I was worried you thought I was crazy because I was so upset over my fro-yo.”
“You were only trying to keep your head on straight after a traumatic experience. I admired it.”
“Really?”
I hum my affirmative. “Why do you think I took you for fro-yo? I wanted you to have a positive experience with it again.”
She rolls to her side and gets comfortable, leaning against me. I drape my arm around her as she rests her head against my chest. She twines the fingers of my other hand with hers.
I soak up every amazing second of it. We used to lie like this often. “Until that point, fro-yo was the best thing in my life. Well, besides my family. Then you came along.”
I press my lips to her head and breathe in her citrus scent, letting it coat my soul like a greedy bastard.
“I’m sorry.”
She laughs and leans into me more. “I’m not. There’s a lot of hurt, but there’s a lot of love too. So much love. I mean, look at them.” She waves her hand towards the closed glass door at our family, who are playing strip poker. Jackson yanks off his shirt and flings it around his head like a helicopter. We both laugh.
“I wouldn’t have any of it if we never met. That’s why I said it can’t be that easy. Of course, I love you, Luke. It has to be more than that.”
I stare at the side of her face as she looks at the sky.
“I’ll never find anyone like you again. So, I have to find the next best thing,” she says.
My stomach tightens. “And what’s that?”
“I don’t know yet.”
She snuggles into my side, plopping her leg over my hip and resting her face on my chest. She tucks her hand under her chin and closes her eyes. Her breathing evens out in seconds and her lips part.
I brush the hair out of her face and kiss her forehead, memorizing the moment I may never get again.
I lay there for a long time, staring at the sky as I listen to her soft snores. Silent tears fall as I hold the woman I love. I never realized how deeply I hurt her. She hides it so well, but tonight she showed me. It fuels my determination to make it better. As fucked up as it is, I’m the one who hurt her, but I’m also the only one that can heal her.
