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Garrett greets them and Luke appears.
His smile is tentative. “How are you doing?”
“Better.”
Luke sits next to me and reaches out to touch my knee. I pull my leg away and he pauses, looking so dejected I regret it, but I stay still.
I’m reminded of the hopeless desperation in his eyes as he held my hand while I bled out on the gym floor. Tears well and the thoughts from when I was about to die smack me in the face. I reach out and rest my hand on top of his because I need his grounding touch.
“It’s ok,” he whispers. “I’ve got you.”
But he doesn’t. He’s not mine, and I’m not his. My conflicting thoughts battle it out as we stare at each other. A cocktail of emotions has my panic rising. God, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be around him and not have him. And I can’t have him because I can’t trust him. I bolt from my chair and run towards the front door. I fling it open and take two steps before I plow into my dad, who must have just returned from running errands. Groceries clatter to the porch as he drops them and catches me with a grunt.
He grips my upper arms and his face fills with concern when he sees the panic. He looks behind me. “Give us a moment,” he says. I don’t have to look to know its Luke. His concern for me fills the air, surrounding me like a mist. The door clicks shut, and I let out a breath. He guides me over to the porch bench and sits me down, ignoring the orange juice running off the step in a slow trickle.
“Talk to me, Livvie.”
I let the tears flow. “I can’t do this anymore. It hurts. I can’t…” I gasp between sobs, and he wraps me up in his arms and cradles my head to his shoulder, making me feel like a kid again while he comforted me when I got a boo boo. But this boo boo he can’t kiss and make better. He rubs my back while I settle down, then frames my face with his hands. He uses his sleeve to wipe away my snot and tears.
“You’ve been through hell, honey. You’re strong and so damn brave. You’d make a better cop than me or your brother.”
I puff out a laugh at his ridiculousness and he smiles.
“But you’re still human. You don’t have to do this alone, ok?”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “I can’t be around him. It’s too much.”
He wraps his arms around me again, and I absorb his comfort. An idea takes root in my mind, then unfurls.
“Dad…” I sit up and face him.I tell him my plan and he mulls it over for a moment.
“I’ll talk to Luke and see if—”
“No. I don’t want him to know where I’m going. I don’t want anyone to know.”
He sighs and nods. “I’ll talk to Dylan, then. You’re not going anywhere without professional security.”
I relent, knowing it's a good idea. “Ok.”
We head inside and I breathe a little easier, knowing relief is in sight. I can get through this. I just need some distance to clear my head so I can start over… again.
