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“What?” I barely get the word out. He just tossed me into the middle of the ocean with no life raft.
“I’m so sorry.” Tears stream down his face in a river as another emotion takes over me. Anger followed by its ugly sister, rage.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I blurt out.
He flinches at my harsh tone, but I couldn’t give two shits. “You’re tapping out? Just like that? After everything we’ve been through? After everything I’ve been through?”
He returns his hand to mine and I yank away from him. He sighs and sets his hands in his lap. “It’s not like that. One day you’ll understand.”
I stare at him in disbelief as everything I thought he was crumbles to ash. He lied to me. He’s abandoning me. My anger becomes something molten and unrecognizable.
“Don’t patronize me.Did you ever think to talk it over with me?”
He doesn’t respond. That fire I felt when Scotty was attacking me ignites in my spine. I use the heat to fuel my rage. I stand and hover over him. “Or does what I want not matter?"
He stands and I follow him to the open space. “The only thing that matters is your safety.”
I almost cry out when achingly familiar betrayal rakes its claws over my heart again. I never thought he’d be capable of doing that to me. Humorless laughter bursts past my lips. “He won. Even from the grave, Scotty gets his way. And you’re going to let him.”
His gaze narrows and his nostrils flare. Oh, he’s angry now? Good. “It’s not about him.”
“People who love each other talk. They work it out. They don’t make decisions without the other person.”
“There’s no other option.”
I ball my fists and stand on my tip toes to get in his face. “Go to hell and take your self-righteous bullshit with you.” A shuddering breath rushes out of me.
His face falls and the hurt I see throws a cold bucket of water on my rage. It steams and gurgles as he nods. “I’ll always love you.” He gazes at me for another second, then turns and strides out the door. I watch him leave as I try to process. My anger slips away, making room for panic.
God, that look in his eyes. It cuts deep and my soul cries out. This can’t be how it ends. It doesn’t make any sense. Angry voices reach me from outside and I face the reality that I may never get another chance to stop him from ruining what we have. The fire crawls up my spine and spurs me out the door.
I run past the people standing on the porch, ignoring their calls to stop me as Luke’s car roars to life. He puts it in gear and lets up on the brake. I jump in front of it, my hands slamming onto the hood with a loud clang. He jerks the car to a stop, his eyes sad as he puts it in park and climbs out.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it! Please don’t leave. We can figure this out.” I’m crying so hard my vision blurs. He wraps me up in his arms and holds me to him as I let out all my anger, love, and sadness.
“Shh, baby. It’s going to be okay. You’re going to get through this. Everyone here will help you. You’re not alone.” He wipes my tears away with his thumbs and kisses me, sweet and gentle. My favorite kind, but it fails to make me feel better. “I love you,” he whispers.
“I love you too. Please don’t do this,” I whisper. I know I’m begging, but I don’t care. He can’t leave.
He swallows hard and takes a step back, but I grab onto him. Gentle hands wrap around my biceps and pull me with them. One step, then two, and I release his arm. Luke takes a deep breath and climbs into his car. With one last longing look, he zooms away and disappears around the corner. I stand there staring after him until I can’t hear his car in the distance anymore.
My legs give out and someone catches me. A loud, keening wail escapes my lungs as my heart shatters into a million pieces. The echo of the explosion blinds me with a deluge of tears. Sobs wrack my body as I cling to whoever is holding me.
Air refuses to fill my lungs, but it doesn't matter. Maybe it will stop the pain. “Liv, you gotta breathe.” It’s Garrett. I focus on his voice. “Come on, I’ve got you. Just breathe.”
My lungs expand and his face comes into view. “That’s it.” I lean my face against his chest, his heartbeat grounding me. I blink as my surroundings register. We’re in the living room. I’m now on the couch next to John, my head cradled against his chest. Just like the day Mom left us.
Why is this so much worse? I sit up as tears fall on their own accord, like my soul will continue to mourn, with or without me.
I gaze around the room at my friends. They struggle to meet my eyes as they swipe at their own tears. Skye is sobbing into Jordy’s shoulder. Vera bites her lip as a few tears slip. She never cries.
“Fuck. You didn’t deserve that,” Jackson says, his eyes red and watery.
My gaze returns to John.
“I’m so sorry.” His voice cracks with emotion.
“He just left me.” My jaw trembles as I search my brother’s eyes for answers he doesn’t have. He rests his big hand on the side of my head and brings it to his chest. I’m drowning. The sounds of my cries are deafening to my own ears.
“How could he do this?” I keep sobbing it over and over. No one answers me.
My brain scrambles to grasp onto something, anything. I stand on shaky legs from John’s lap and move to the backyard. I angle the lounge chair so I can face the tree in the corner. The sparrows are all silent, quiet to avoid the predators. I never should have stopped being quiet. A chair scrapes across the deck, and I find John settling in next to me.
The way Luke looked at me as he tore my heart out fills my mind and the sobs begin again. John takes my hand, gripping it tight. I look through my tears at him. He squeezes and I squeeze back.
“You’re not alone,” he whispers and my lip wobbles again.
The thought settles next to my heart, and I know, over time, it will dull the sharp ache. But for now, I let the wound bleed. Tomorrow, I can focus on surviving, because after this, that’s all that’s left for me.
