AllFreeNovel
Share Us
17 - ADDISON
My stupid heart didn’t care that I knew what was best. You would think she’d listen after what happened with Brad—after he ripped it apart, doused it with lighter fluid, set it on fire, and buried the ashes. You would think she’d understand I wasn’t trying to be a cold-hearted bitch; I was trying to protect us from ever hurting like that again. Because there were some things in life you never got over—that you weren’t supposed to get over. Some things became so ingrained into the core of your being that you could no longer distinguish between the thing and yourself.
But nope, I thought, staring at the text message on my phone.
The dumb-ass organ pitter-pattered and skipped a beat whenever Simon’s name crossed my mind. Never mind what happened when he actually touched me. When he kissed me. When he fucked me. Held me.
Simon: Where are you, honey? I want to take you to lunch.
Me: Cleaning the dance studio, then back for a staff meeting. Later?
Simon: I can’t wait. I miss you.
Me: Hmm. You do?
Simon: Duh. I always miss you when we’re not together.
“Ugh,” I stammered, stomping my heel like a child. I threw my phone down and brought my attention back to wiping the non-existent smudges off one of the large mirrors in the dance studio. I was angry and hungry. Toss in the sadness woven around my heart, and you had a very dangerous combination. A combination I’d let turn into a pity party since yesterday.
The only positive thing that came from locking myself in my house for the last however many hours was the progress I’d made on my latest fanfiction piece.
A masterpiece.
Just because I didn’t believe in true love and all the happily ever after bullshit that came with it didn’t mean I couldn’t write about it. I crawled another foot across the floating dance floor with my rag and cleaner, swiping the towel over the glass until it was streak-free.
I posted the last chapter this morning on Wattpad, and the comments were so positive it almost had me considering writing to make money.
Almost.
There was something freeing about the anonymity of living behind a faceless username. Something above the judgment and harshness of life that allowed me to embrace—well, love. I could never create entire universes and characters myself, but I sure as hell could build on things already out there. And after all the shit Brad was trying to pull with poor Charlotte, it felt fucking fantastic to write him plunging to his death.
Two more epilogues, and I’d be finished. Three, if my Facebook group admin, SmutXFilesGMa, had anything to say about it, but I’d see how Mulder and Scully were doing with their new alien love interest before committing to anything.
“She’d loved him from the start. Not because he brought out the best in her and not because he said it first, but because it was as natural as breathing and as right as her heartbeat—steady, persistent, and always there. Because even when words failed her, he never would.”
At least I could write a kick-ass happily ever after, and if all went to plan, Charlotte would get hers once I handled Brad the ass-weasel. I felt fucking creepy sending him a direct message, but what choice did I have? There was no way I was giving him my contact information or letting Charlotte put herself in a compromising position,
The nerve of that man.
He asked Charlotte to meet him for dinner and when she politely declined, he said her grade depended on her willingness to socialize with him outside of class.
The brainless wonder was all too happy to message me back, not at all suspicious of my intentions. I had to figure out how to help Charlotte, ruin him, and keep everyone else in the dark about my involvement. Easy enough, right?
But what of my own pathetic, willfully blind heart? Was it finally time to admit I’d fallen for Simon Lucas Kelly like a ton of bricks? That he was the man I’d chosen to be with regardless of my past—because my past didn’t fucking define me? I sucked in a strangled breath, manically scrubbing at the same spot on the mirror.
I wasn’t even sure why I was here. Lisa made it clear there was no reason for me to clean the studio since we never actually danced in it, but I felt obligated to give the room a once over since she’d been kind enough to extend the offer. So I remained on my hands and knees in a blue power suit, wiping down the floor-to-ceiling mirrors.
Sure, I’d never felt this way about anyone before, and it petrified me like I’d been living a half-life—a cursed life—but I’d be deluding myself if I thought a man would fulfill me. I didn’t need a partner, lover, or happily ever after to be whole. I stood and threw the rag against the wall, fumbling through the thoughts.
I blamed all this emotional nonsense on the stupid Discovery Channel special playing in the background as I wrapped up last night’s final chapter. Stupid badgers and coyotes. Two animals who didn’t belong together. Hell, one should eat the other. But no, these two opposites hunted together. The coyote chased down the prey, and the badger dug it up if it went underground. I dreamed I chased Simon all over the Sahara Desert last night, digging up strawberry cream puffs after they disappeared under the sand.
Clearly, I was suffering a mental breakdown.
It was most definitely not because my mind and heart were at war. Or because Beth texted me this morning with an invitation to her Bye Bye Boobie party this weekend, and I accepted before remembering I shouldn’t insert myself too far into Simon’s life. I crossed my legs and rested my elbows on my knees, leaning against the mirror and forgetting the smudges I’d surely make.
A gross, particular presence settled low in my stomach as my stupid pride forbade me from telling Simon anything. It wasn’t pride. It was a pathetic mix of fear and anxiety, born from the spitefulness of my stubborn, hardened heart.
Annaleigh, one of my closest friends and fellow member of our Southern Charms group, went through similar challenges before finding the man who improved her life. She spent years blaming herself for an old band member’s overdose, believing her negligence of their friendship led to his near-fatal mistake, and her future would be lonely and miserable. Then her broody boss crashed into her life and showed her she was worth everything and that he would spend his life giving her exactly that.
