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A flutter of nerves took off in my belly while Devon reached for his phone. But they calmed down as Devon showed me picture after picture of a beautiful venue in upstate New York, an old estate with gorgeous gardens where we could be married outside if the weather was nice.
"Wow," I breathed.
His face lit up. "You like it?"
"It's stunning," I said, really meaning it and believing I could get behind a wedding at this place.
"So Violet says we could set up an arch over here." He pointed at a spot, but I didn't really pay all that much attention. Because every other word out of his mouth was Violet. Violet this. Violet that.
Oh, God, this was what I'd been afraid of. This was how it started. This was how it began.
But I gritted my teeth and listened, dutifully looking at picture after picture, a strange feeling of numbness settling into my limbs as he poured over every detail of the ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception.
"And all you have to do is show up and say I do, making me the luckiest guy on the planet," he finished, studying my face carefully.
That was sweet. Maybe it was normal to mention the wedding planner so much. Of course it was. She was helping to plan the wedding. Duh.
He squeezed my knee. "Look," he said, "I know it's not really your thing to have a big wedding like this, and I can't even tell you how much I appreciate it."
My heart did a little happy dance at his words. "You don't have to say that. I appreciate everything you're doing."
"Of course. My family is living for this. And it's making them so happy. The first wedding in the family."
Devon was the oldest of five children, and I knew this was a huge deal to his mom. So I took a breath, reminding myself it really didn't matter. The wedding would be over in a flash, and then I'd have the marriage I wanted to have, the two of us living here in LA, happily ever after.
I could drive myself crazy if I worried about it all too much, if I thought about how much time Devon was spending with Violet, how much more time he'd spend with her in the future as the big day grew closer.
We settled on a date in May, a little earlier than I'd expected, but that was okay. It's not like I had any plans.
Devon texted Violet so she could contact the venue right away, and I tried not to let the green-eyed monster come out as they went back and forth for a bit. He was sitting right beside me, after all, talking about marrying me, right? Nothing to be worried about.
Besides, I hadn't exactly been a saint with my teensy, tiny crush on my neighbor/business partner. And overall, Devon had been pretty cool about everything regarding Josh, even helping me out with ideas for the podcast, not the sports part because Devon wasn't really into sports, but the business and legal aspects.
We spent the rest of the weekend in pretty much the same position on the couch, Devon's arms around me, holding me close, either watching movies or looking at wedding details on his phone, deciding on colors, flowers, food ideas, tablecloths, chairs.
Who knew chairs were such a big deal? But there seemed to be an endless variety to choose from. Chairs! What the heck?
By Sunday evening, Devon was feeling much better, his fever gone, only a slight cough that he was fighting. And even though it probably wasn't the wisest thing to do, we hit the sheets hard that night. Well, I did anyway. I rode Devon, getting my fill, while he kind of resembled a starfish, doing his best.
But that was love, life, and relationships for you. Sometimes, you just had to make do with what you had. And I refused to let him get on the plane Monday morning without doing it at least once. I mean, come on! I was sure I'd be coming down with the same damn cold anyway, so why not at least enjoy it a little?
We'd avoided kissing for the most part, but when he left for the airport early Monday morning, I couldn't resist, and I gave him a kiss he'd remember for a long while. Take that, Violet!
I took a mental picture of his face, the adoration written all over it, as he told me how much he loved me. God, this weekend had been exactly what I needed with him.
Saying goodbye was the absolute worst. I hated it. I despised it. Why couldn't he just stay?
A sick feeling took over my body when he waved and disappeared out the gate, a feeling like that might be the last time I ever saw him.
What the hell was wrong with me?
Depression settled deep in my soul, tangling up all my emotions as I closed my door, locking it behind me, feeling more alone than ever.
Shedding my blanket, I threw myself down face first on the couch, crying my stupid eyes out. It was almost worse that he'd been here. He'd meant well, of course, but now that he was gone... God, I didn't even know. It just sucked.
Loneliness overwhelmed me.
And then I realized something else. Chills ran up and down my spine, and my teeth started to ache. I pulled the blanket back over me, trying to get warm. But I couldn't warm myself up. I was freezing.
