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You took my dad. The least you could do is offer a girl some hope. That's all I wanted. That's all I needed.
Damn it.
Completely dejected, my soul dead, I carefully stepped down, Josh guiding me with his strong hands. I stumbled the last bit and leaned into him to correct myself.
"Sorry," I mumbled against his chest as he righted me.
Daring to glance up at him, I expected to see condemnation or something similar. But all I saw was concern. "Are you okay?" he asked softly.
Lowering my head, I let out a deep sigh, trying my best not to breathe on him. "Yes. No," I whispered.
Leaving the step stool out there, I went inside the open balcony door and flopped back down on the couch. Josh and Magic sat next to me.
"Mind telling me what that was all about?" Josh asked.
I took a sip of my now cool tea, stalling, trying not to let my utter depression squelch the life from me.
When I didn't say anything, Josh spoke up again. "Was it something to do with your dad?"
How did he know? That was exactly it. It had everything to do with my dad. "Yes," I finally answered.
He gave me a solemn nod. "I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for?"
Lifting one shoulder, he hesitated then said, "I'm just sorry that you have to go through it."
I closed my eyes and inhaled as best I could. "Thanks."
When I opened them again, I saw him staring at me, still questioning me with his eyes, but I knew he didn't want to upset me. So I decided to tell him. Just outright tell him.
"So my dad always said there was something magical about seeing a green flash. He saw it twice. And both times something amazing happened very soon after."
Josh's eyebrows raised. "Really?"
"Yep. The first time, he met my mom the very next day."
"Wow."
"And the next time, they found out my mom was pregnant with me and my brother—we're twins by the way—after years of trying."
"That really is amazing. Incredible actually. But what's that have to do with right now?"
"I just had a very intense, vivid dream that I saw one, and I've never seen one before. Have you?"
He shook his head. "No. Only in the movies. One of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. Can't remember which one, though."
I smiled because I remembered that too. And my dad had totally laughed, saying it didn't happen that way at all. In the movie, it'd been a huge flash that turned the whole sky green. He said it was a little more subtle, but Hollywood had to embellish it of course.
"Same," I said. "I guess I was hoping that if I saw one for real that it would mean something, you know?"
Meeting his eyes, I was afraid of what I'd see. Pity. That was the usual when I spoke about my hopes for my dad. But once again, Josh surprised me in a good way. Instead of pity, I saw that understanding I was beginning to appreciate, beginning to crave.
He nodded, a hint of a smile turning his lips upward. "I know. I get it."
Needing to break eye contact, exhaustion stealing through my body, I looked away at the TV to see the post-game analysis, the game long over.
"Maybe someday," Josh said. "Maybe someday, you'll see it."
