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The Airborne Toxic Event
Over the next few days then weeks, I was all over the place emotionally... anger and humiliation topping the list.
Worst of all, however, I felt stupid. And I hated that feeling with a passion.
What really ticked me off too was that I never even heard from Devon again. No additional calls to apologize. No texts to check in on me. Just a black hole of nothingness like the past two years hadn't even happened.
And it made me feel like total and complete garbage, as if I meant nothing to him. After all we had meant to each other, nothing? So suddenly?
What a waste of two whole years!
Of course, if he'd contacted me, I would have told him off again. But still, it would have been nice to have him apologizing and groveling like he should have been doing.
Was he now with Violet? Were they together together?
Holy crap! What if they were now planning on getting married? Just taking over all of our wedding plans?
And why did I even care?! I needed to get over it already.
But life wasn't that easy. You couldn't will yourself to get over something. I knew that already. Hadn't I found that out with my dad?
Sure, it was different. But I had tried desperately to forgive myself, and I'd never succeeded. No matter how much I wanted it, I still held onto such incredible anger and hatred for myself for what I had done. And I knew I'd never be able to let it go. Ever.
I had hope, however, that this Devon thing would fade with time. Especially because there was a guy—an absolutely amazing guy—who lived next door to me and seemed to maybe care about me a little bit.
Or maybe Josh just wanted to get in my pants like Brian Luge.
God, I had that totally wrong. It was the complete opposite. He was the one who had stopped me from getting into his pants.
As Josh pulled into the driveway under our building after recording a podcast, I studied his profile.
Things were still a little awkward between us, seeing as how we hadn't talked about that kiss. Neither of us had ever brought it up in the weeks since, and it sort of hung in the air between us like this big, invisible balloon.
But we had plenty of other things to talk about, so we were good I supposed. We could always, always discuss sports. And the podcast of course. Or Magic. Or our families. Or my cheating ex-fiancé. Anything but the heart-stopping intimacy that had occurred between us that night.
After Josh parked, we slowly walked together towards our apartments.
"So what are you up to tonight?" Josh asked.
"Hmm?" I said absentmindedly. "Oh, right. I forgot it's a travel day for the Dodgers."
So no game tonight. In other words, no hanging out with Josh tonight.
Honestly, that was kind of a bummer. I had been relying more and more on his company. Oh, who was I kidding? I'd been relying on his company since I'd met him and was so lonely for that certain person who should remain nameless.
"Yeah. Well, if you're not busy," Josh said, "it's my friend's birthday and we're all going out."
"Are you actually asking me to go out with you and your friends?"
He chuckled. "Uh, yeah, that's what I'm doing."
We stopped in front of our separate stairs and turned to face each other. "Well..."
"Unless of course, you have a hot date tonight."
I glared at him. "Funny." The only hot date I had on the horizon was perhaps with my stove. Or actually my microwave. That definitely got more use.
"So what is it?" Josh asked. "You want to go? Or do you want to stay home and read?"
