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Chapter Nine
The Six
Thenextfewnights, I slept with my face and body crammed against the cold steel wall of our home, intent on keeping myself unavailable to Sam. I stayed on my right side and refused to turn and face him. Ironically, it wasn’t the most physically uncomfortable I had ever been. I had slept on an air mattress in a flooded basement during a category five hurricane not too long ago after all. It was, however, the most emotionally uncomfortable I had ever felt.
Every night, Sam tried to talk to me, get me to face him. He would brush a hand up my back and I would stiffen or shake him away. He felt dejected, and I was losing my resolve. I even tried to sleep on the back bunks one night. Only five feet long, I had to stay scrunched in the tiny bed with a small human almost suffocating me with his stuffed duck.
Forced to cram my body in between a handsome man and icy metal, part of me wondered if I had died in the storm and if this was my purgatory. My first day of work was Monday morning. I only knew it was Sunday by the large calendar drawn in chalk on the mess hall wall when I went to get breakfast. Every day I would walk the halls of the ship, get Sam food, and try to get the boys outside.
BeLew started school on Monday too, and I needed to get them on more of a routine. We had created a schedule, but there was nothing in it. Walk, bathroom, eat, walk, shower, eat was all we had to do. I also had the fun task of avoiding eye contact with my pseudo-husband.
I knew I took it too far, but fear led my actions. Days ticked by, and each time I saw Sam care for the boys, struggle with his pain, or put his warm hands on me at night, I fell for him a little more. Avoidance was stupid and immature, and it wouldn’t last much longer. I was falling for him a little more each day, and I craved his touch, but Dean watched nearby. I never saw him, but I knew his eyes were on me somehow.
For the next few days, Lori acted as if we were lifelong friends. She remained comfortable around me, and I enjoyed our time together. I decided our conversation on deck was a warning and not a threat. Fond memories of Dean were few and far between. She alluded to some of her own experiences with his manipulation that mirrored mine. She knew his military life, whereas I knew the home life of Dean Riggs. If we were on the farm, I would have some insights for her, but this was their territory.
After another stiff night’s sleep, I took the boys to the mess hall for breakfast, and to my surprise, Lori and her boys joined us without her uniform or apron. “Off today?” I asked.
“Yes, the first day since we got here. Not that I can enjoy it,” she whined. “My friend is a teacher, and I promised I would help her get some rooms and tests ready for tomorrow. I get to spend time with her, but I would rather sleep.”
“Do you need help? It would go faster with two more hands.” I waved my fingers in her direction.
“It would, but I have a better idea. How about I take BeLew with me to the school and the boys can entertain each other? Then tonight you could watch them for dinner and walk the deck with them. It would give me two to three hours by myself, which is what I want more than anything. And BeLew can see the classrooms, get more comfortable.”
“That sounds fabulous,” I beamed. Lori worked hard, and once everyone’s jobs started in full swing, hers would only become more difficult.
Lori let out an exhale and lay her body on the table like she was fainting. I giggled at her dramatics. I decided she was right, and we would be good friends.
The boys were all too happy to leave with Lori. They would get to play and meet a new teacher, and I would, what? I could take yet another walk around this ship. I’d done that so many times, that I was memorizing the names on the silver doors of the hallways. I would memorize the faces with those names if I saw them exit or enter their room. Why? I’m not sure. Nothing else to do, I suppose, but it kept my mind occupied.
I headed back to my room with Sam’s food. “Order up,” I announced as I opened the door. “Oh my God, you’re up!”
Sam was standing. His broad chest puffed out with accomplishment, and he took a few limping strides toward me. This was a turning point for him. I could see the resolve in his expression, in his eyes. The man he once was standing before me, strong and resilient.
“I’m up and better than ever,” he said and reached his arms to me. I stretched toward him, fearful he needed support, but he drew me into his chest. I tried to pull away, but my body would not budge once it was wrapped in his powerful arms. I exhaled and let myself rest on him - giving into his warmth, his scent.
A lump formed in my throat, but not from sadness. From relief. The entire time we’d be on the ship, I feared he would take a turn for the worse. That a small kit of antibiotics wouldn’t be enough, and without time to prove his worth to Dean, he would be as good as dead. Dean had given him a chance, but until he thought he needed Sam, that was all he would give.
I had said silent prayers for the moment we shared then, for his recovery. Every night I would awaken from either night terrors or the fear in my gut that Sam had stopped breathing. I would lick the inside of my hand and hold it to his mouth, waiting to feel the air. Then I would will myself to sleep again, hoping he was getting better - telling myself he just needed time.
Standing in his arms was proof of his turn for the better. It was the sign that he was going to make it, and I wouldn’t be alone on this ship. I held him, smiling into his chest, hiding my expression from him.
“Where are the boys?” he asked, rubbing his hand up and down my spine.
“Oh, they’re with Lori. She’s helping set up the school with a friend. They will get familiar with the space, and I promised to take over later so she could have some alone time.” I felt Sam still and hold his breath.
“It’s okay,” I continued. “I trust her with them, and it will be good for them to get a look at the school.”
Sam moved his head back and grabbed my chin with his hand. The boys were the last thing on his mind. He had a fire in his eyes, and I realized my error. He wasn’t worried about the boys’ safety. He trusted I could leave them with Lori and they would be fine.
He knew we were alone, and he wanted to take advantage.
And I want him to.
With one hand, he pulled the table from the wall and shoved it in between the bed and door, never breaking our gaze.
I remained frozen. My body had begged to be closer to him, but my brain was forbidding it. The push and pull made my feet feel like they were wrapped in cement as I stood there saying nothing, eyes wide.
Oh, God.
