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“Yes, he does. Why do you think Lori knows? He’s smart, Row. Don’t underestimate him. She’s the bait to butter you up to the idea. He may think you already dreamed about people strung out on heroin. Who knows? But he told her because he wants you to know. Be ready.”
Heroin. The word left unspoken until now. The drug had destroyed countless lives before the water and the wind had a chance. It had spread through our town and the world, ripping apart families. Every night the news would have the count of how many had died in our state from overdoses. There had to be recovering addicts on this ship - easy prey to help start a dictatorship. And I was to be his seer?
A part of my heart ripped out when I left Sam. Forty-eight hours until I saw him again. Maybe then I would have the courage to tell him about the seven weeks, but I had confessed enough today. Just like my visions, nothing changed what was already in motion.
I made it two flights of stairs before Lori started pumping me for information. It relieved her I knew about Sam’s wife, but she was most interested in hearing dirty details about the sex. Some things I would never divulge, but I confessed to her I told Sam I loved him. She teared up a few times, acknowledging how she felt Sam was sincere in his feelings for me. He’d begged her to help him, and she was a sucker for second chances.
“I wish Luke looked at me the way Sam does you,” she confided. “He looks at me like I’m a meal or something to be had. Don’t get me wrong, I’m into it, but I think it may be lust, not love.”
“Luke’s good with the boys, and he seems infatuated with you,” I assured her. “Sam and I had this traumatic horrible event, you know. We thought he was dead more than once, and I think it fast-tracked his way of doing things. Normal, healthy adults don’t move this fast.”
“Normal people don’t look like him either, Row. That man is sex on a stick.”
We put everything away in her kitchen, and I lingered. Leaving meant I had to face Dean and our bed together. All the while, my heart stayed next to Sam, wherever he was on this ship. Lori acted eager to get back to Luke, who was waiting for her, so my stalling was short-lived. I took the slowest walk down my hallway, stopped in the bathroom to give myself a hard look in the mirror, and then crept into the room to find Dean sitting up in bed reading a book.
Shit.
“Hey,” I mumbled. I checked on BeLew who were sleeping soundly, strangling their stuffed ducks under their arms. I kissed them on the head and went to the sink to brush my teeth and avoid eye contact with Dean.
Dean kept his head down on the pages, but his eyes followed me. “Aren’t you going to ask what I’m reading?”
“I can see what you are reading, and you have read it a hundred times.” Dean read The Kite Runner, which I always found an odd choice for him.
“I like stories of retribution. What can I say?”
The story was more about forgiveness, but people see things through their own personal lens.
He slammed the book closed and chucked it under the bed, walking over to me. I felt his warmth press behind me and his hands on my shoulders. “How were the lower decks?”
I spit in the sink and looked back up to meet his eyes in the mirror. “Fine. Nothing too exciting.” My skin buzzed from the lie.
He moved his hands down my back and kissed my neck while I stood there with toothpaste lips. “Dean, did you want to keep reading because I’m exhausted?” I wiped my lips with my sleeve and edged out from between the sink and his grasp.
“Sure Row, let’s go to bed.” He followed me under the covers, spooning me from behind, pushing himself against me. It was apparent enough what he was after without his dick stabbing me in the back. I tried not to move.
“No again?” he questioned, running his fingers down the side of my arm. “I didn’t mean what I said earlier about not caring what you do. I care very much. I love you, Rowan.”
He knew I was still awake, but saying it back was a betrayal to Sam. I loved Dean, but that love was out of obligation. “I know,” was all I could manage.
What felt like an hour later, I assumed he was asleep. I turned onto my back. He reached around my middle, startling me, and spoke again. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I know that. But what I do, it’s for you and the boys.” I nodded in the dark, wishing I could just sleep and dream of Sam. I welcomed a premonition at this point if it meant this conversation and this night could be over.
His arm tightened around me, pulling us closer together. “I’ll keep waiting,” he murmured. His exhaustion set in, making his arm fall heavy and his breathing slowed. “And Row, tomorrow we work in chemistry. Just remember, I do it all for you and the boys. Because I love you.”
He stilled, drifting into a peaceful sleep. But I was not as fortunate. That night I dreamed of Sam, but not in the way I wanted. It began with a blinding light, and I could barely see past the fire that burned my retinas. I wandered around the deck of the ship, feeling heat pinch my skin.
When I found Sam, he was too far away, and I couldn’t get to him. He ran into the flames as smoke billowed up to the sky above us and I chased after him. I screamed his name, watching him disappear into the burning wall of fire.
