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Walt
Isighdeeplyand run my fingers through my hair. I hear her request and even understand it to an extent, but my brain cannot process accepting it. She needs to be held just as much as anyone. If this wasn’t such a delicate thing. I’d just toss her back in bed and tell her to go to sleep, but while she finds my demanding ways sexy, this isn’t one of those times.
I didn’t need full access of everything I’ve forgotten to know. It’s a dumb idea to force to be somewhere she doesn’t want to be after she has just awakened from a dream reminding her about the time she was kidnapped. Kidnapping is the ultimate fuck you to someone’s free will and desires. There will be plenty of things for me to sledgehammer later, but this requires the careful consideration of dismantling a bomb.
Frankly, I’m too tired for tricks. There’s so much sadness and loneliness in her gaze that I feel it with clarity she doesn’t get that I understand. Yes, I have my family, but like her, I’m still missing a big part of myself. Just because the factures display differently doesn’t mean we’re not equally broken. I put down Coco, and she walks over to Everie and nuzzles her leg.
“You can’t do everything alone. I won’t let you.”
She continues to look at Coco to avoid looking at me. “It’s better this way.”
It’s not, but it’s an argument that won’t have a clear winner. It’s also something we can debate later. There are no magic words that are going to change her mind right now. It’s a mindset she’s had for years. It won’t change overnight. I move on to an issue that can be resolved now.
“What if I need you?”
My question makes her look at me. “Need me to what?”
“I have trouble sleeping as well. I’m only part of myself.” She continues to look at me but doesn’t speak, so I push forward. “Someone almost killed me. Part of me lives in fear of another attempt. Close crowds give me anxiety because I don’t know if someone in it plans to hurt me. Without warning, I’ll get flashes of it and other things, but I don’t know what my brain is trying to tell me.” I tap my temple with the tips of my finger. “It’s frustrating like an impossible itch, a whisper that can’t be deciphered, or something you’re trying desperately to gasp, but it’s just beyond your reach.” Just talking about it gives me the sinking feeling I hate. I drop my head and breathe deeply because I’m not in the mood for a panic attack. “My name is Walton Cambridge. I’m from Glenn Royal, California. My parents love me. I have a brother and a son.”
I mumble to myself, mad that I almost sent myself into an episode, but I need to talk about it with someone other than Tucker.
Coco nuzzles my leg while Everie looks at me like she’s just now seeing me for the first time. “I have things I need to overcome as well,” I continue. “I’m just better at hiding it.” I give her a weak smile. “There is a lot of noise in my head, but you somehow quiet it. I was having some of the best sleep I’ve had in a long time until you got up. Please come back to bed. I have to face one of my possible demons tomorrow and I’d love to be rested for it and your methods to get to sleep don’t work for me.”
Everie smirks a little, and it’s better than nothing. This time, she comes to me when I reach for her. It released a pressure from my chest that I didn’t realize was there. I hug her close, finding comfort in the warmth of her body. The underlying dread that’s always in the back of my subconsciousness eases when she hugs me back. It seems like I can’t stop talking since I’ve opened the vault.
“You scared the hell out of me today.”
“I’m sorry.” I don’t like that she’s apologetic and embarrassed. She didn’t do this to herself.
“Don’t be. You’re the victim, not the perpetrator. I wasn’t scared of you. I was scared that I was failing you when you needed me the most. The feeling is not something I like. I don’t like that the people who are supposed to care about you sucks, and I can’t accept you making yourself an island.” I cup her face so I can look her in the eyes. “Eventually, I need you to accept that I care about you. It’s not something I can just shut off, Everie.”
“Okay. I’ll help you this time.”
I want to laugh because there is so much more that needs to be resolved, but we’re tired as fuck. I’ll take the small victory for now.
Everest
Waking up, I realize I slept with my contacts and they’re burning the hell out of me.
Walt is in the shower already, and I know it has something to do with what he said last night. He had to face a possible demon and I feel bad because no one should face their demons without having all their memories or being prepared for it.
Once I make it to my bathroom, I immediately remove my contacts and, using muscle memory, I hop into the shower, washing all the worries away. There’s no need for me to bring up what happened to me ever again.
After getting myself ready for the day, I moisturize my hair and leave it in the towel, not bothering to blow dry it like I usually do. Everything I’m doing isn’t because I can see perfectly without my glasses, if anything, right now, everything is blurry. Having an eye stigma like Keratoconus makes it harder and getting hard contacts like the ones that I have to take time. That’s why me being irresponsible and sleeping in them was a huge mistake that I’m paying for right now.
Reaching around for my glasses on my nightstand proves I don’t know where everything is because so many things have dropped to the floor. “Ugh, seriously!”
Dropping to my knees, I try to blindly find my glasses. Most people with my stigma can catch it early on and get surgery or correct it, but it was too late for me. I ignored it for too long and had to wear heavy glasses at 16. The first time I put them on, I was nauseous for hours.
Instead of waiting too long to find my glasses this time, I stand and walk over to Walt’s room. Squinting hard, I see him standing there in the middle of his room. I walk up to him and grab his hand.
“Hey, can you help find my glasses?”
“Glasses?” He repeats.
“Yeah, I need them to see, and I can’t see where they are without them.” I shrug.
“What?” He asks in a sort of amused tone.
