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“If you need to get something off your chest, I’m here,” my friend says. “And if it’s something you need me to forget after, then there’s a bottle of whiskey over there with our names on it.”
I glance over at the drinks station. It’s a tempting fucking offer… but it’s difficult enough keeping my urges at bay without bringing alcohol into the mix. No wonder I attacked Evie outside the library at the Firefly Ball. No fucking wonder she used her only line of defense against me—the double-edged sword of her painful past.
Sterling finishes the joint while I sit there, perched on the edge of the couch. I keep willing myself to leave, to get over all this shit, to get overEvie…but that girl’s got her claws in me good and proper. I haven’t been able to think about anything else since I trapped her in the laundry room the other night.
Afterward, I couldn’t stand the thought of being so near to her after what I’d done, so I went home for the weekend.
I’ve never felt as crushed as I did the day I got back to the Walsh House and Kat told me Evie had moved back to the campus dorm rooms. But I couldn’t blame her—I was the one who’d driven her away. Instead of helping her overcome her fear, her shame… I’d managed to find a way to make it even worse.
Your hypocrisy knows no bounds.
“Do you ever wonder how your life would be if you’d done shit differently?”
Sterling gives a dry laugh. “All the fucking time. But what’s the point? You’ll just make yourself miserable.” For just a moment, there’s a dark edge to his voice I haven’t heard before. He glances at me, a cynical grin on his face. “Don’t worry, dude. No matter how badly you fuck up, you’ll always be a Dalton. That should give you some comfort.”
“That’s supposed to make me happy?”
Sterling shrugs. “If it doesn’t, you could always buy a key of coke.That’llmake anyone happy.”
He’s wrong. Being a Dalton is a poor replacement for losing Evie. Which itself is probably the wrong way to think about her.
Did you ever really have her to begin with?
“I’m assuming this is about the white-haired temptress who left in such a rush last week?” Sterling says, squinting at me over a rising coil of smoke. “Because you do seem more depressed than usual. I thought it was the whole Willow thing.”
“It’s not that. I mean, itis…” I rake my fingers through my hair again, shifting uneasily. “I feel like shit about what happened.”
“And you should, but didn’t we just establish there’s no point getting stuck in the past?” Sterling shrugs. “For all we know, this was the best thing for Willow. What if she’d chosen to try slicing her wrists when no one was home? Now at least she’s getting some help.”
I brush away the thought that any of this wasbetter.
A familiar feeling comes flooding back then, twice as strong—longing.
For her. For what we had.
And fuck it if that’s not the right word… I feltsomething. Therewasa connection. I enjoyed the games we played, and if that makes me a sick bastard, then so fucking what? Nothing new there for an asshole like me.
“What a fucked-up start to the year,” I mumble. “But at least it can’t get any worse than this.”
Sterling whistles through his teeth. “Dangerous words, man. Fucking dangerous. Shit canalwaysget worse.”
I look at him, again sensing something deeper, darker, under his words. But he plasters another smile on his face. “You know… you could change history if you wanted to. You’re a fuckingDalton.It’s like one of your superpowers.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
Sterling shrugs, but there’s an impish gleam in his eyes. “Normal people, they can’t do shit about whatever’s happened. But you?” He snaps his fingers. “What’s stopping you from rewriting history?”
“What do you mean?”
“Willow.You can put out a press release. Flip the whole thing on its head. Make everyone see you for the hero you are.”
“Think I care about that?” I mutter, sinking back into the couch. I almost thought he’d come up with some way for me to change the way I’d treated Evie.
A way to fix all the shit I’d broken.
Sterling lapses into silence, and I’m grateful for it. The weed is suffusing my mind with calm, and for once, I’m able to think about Evie without rage getting in the way.
Weweregood together. I just approached it wrong. I tried to force her into something she didn’t want.
