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I put a hand to my chest, hesitating and feeling at a loss of words. My mouth was suddenly dry, but I continued. "I don't want a lasting relationship, and you certainly aren't ready for one, so ultimately this thing that's going on between us is kind of a temporary thing, you know? I’m so sorry to say it like that, but that's what I assumed. That's really what it boils down to. It's temporary with these vacation things. That's why they're called flings."
"Is that what you think is going on here?"
"Yes. It is what's going on here."
"Well, that's news to me because that's not how it feels with me."
"Yes, it is. It's got to be. You're less ready for a relationship than I am, Charlie. And it's not just that. There are factors with my dad and the whole thing with Savannah. We're probably doing the wrong thing by even letting it go this far. But it's like… once I kiss you it's like the most wonderful thing I've ever done, and I just get all carried away."
I was being lighthearted, but Charlie just looked at me with that same serious, confused expression. "What's going on with your dad and Savannah?" he asked. "What do they have to do with us?"
"They have everything to do with us. Everything to do with the fact that this thing we're doing is temporary."
"Enlighten me, Hope. Tell me why it's temporary."
"My dad is a doo-something with y'all. Ms. Bridgette was telling me. It's a Bible word—it's Greek I think. It means a slave. It's a thing in the Bible where someone is a slave and then they don't have to be one anymore, but they go back to it because slavery in the nice house is better than their other life."
Charlie stared blankly at me." I'm sorry but what in the world are you talking about, Hope?"
"It's a Greek word. It's what my dad is doing."
"Are you saying that the fact that your dad works for my dad is preventing you from being with me?"
"You saybeing with melike that's what we're doing here. You make it sound like you think it's long-term or something."
"I'm glad I make it seem like that, because that is what I think. This is long-term to me."
"Charlie."
"What?"
"Don't," I said.
"Don't what?"
"Don't tease me."
"Seriously, what are you saying? Your dad works for us. It's a regular job. A good job. Do you think it's a problem?"
My heart started beating a thousand miles an hour because I knew I just needed to come out and say the other thing. "Charlie, I'll never forget Savannah."
He let out a scoffing sound that was a result of being at a loss for words. "I won't either," he said.
"Exactly," I said. "I'm going to be honest with you. I had a crush on you for years of my life—probably a decade. I was super excited when I heard you were back in town, and then the instant I found out you were married, I flipped a switch. And then I loved her. I got to know her, and she was beautiful and amazing, and I knew I would never love or marry someone who's already been married, especially to someone like her. So, I just turned all my feelings off toward you because I knew it would never happen."
Even as I let the sentence come out of my mouth I knew I was misrepresenting myself and my feelings. I knew he would take this the wrong way. He had taken it the wrong way. I could tell by his facial expression. He had been hurt. He was scowling.
"So, basically you're saying I'm unlovable now because I've been married before?"
"You're, no. No way. You're definitely lovable, Charlie. You're extremely lovable."
"Just not by you?"
I stared at him feeling completely taken off guard. My heart was racing and I felt like he thought I was breaking up with him even though we were never together.
"You don't need me to love you," I said. "You have a whole life in Florida that you're forgetting about."
"I'm not forgetting about it, I'm just telling you I want you in it."
