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Chapter 16
I watched Charlie walk out of my apartment, and I did nothing to stop him.
He walked away, and I sat on the couch and watched him do it.
I felt absolutely crushed.
I was broken and spilled out. I felt stunned, petrified, like my feet had turned to cement and I couldn't move off of that place on the couch. Charlie walked out of my apartment, and I sat there like a stone statue and let him.
It was quiet in my apartment, and I heard his truck as he drove off.
I cried. Silent, hot tears ran down my cheeks in continual streams.
It was all too much. I had assumed this whole time that Charlie did not want me that way. I did not imagine that my life would ever be able to connect with his in that capacity.
I was terrified at the thought of living with another woman's memory, but I was more terrified of losing Charlie.
He had left, and I felt a crushing void because of it. It was as if I needed to have him back in order to breathe. I was devastated without him. This feeling was worse than any of the fears I had about being with him.
I was actively shedding tears when I called Charlie on the phone. Tears were rolling out of my eyes and my breath hitched continually. Charlie's phone rang four times before going to voicemail, and I cried some more.
I went to my window and looked out of it. He had already left, and I did what I had to do. I went after him. I grabbed my purse, phone, and keys, and just like that, with wet hair and sweatpants, I took off in my car, headed to Broken Arrow, Arkansas.
I drove south toward State Road 25, and once I had settled down a little bit, I called Charlie again. I figured if I drove quickly, I would catch up to him within a couple of minutes at the most. The phone rang four times and then went to his voicemail again.
I had hardly stopped crying. Silent tears ran down my swollen, burning face. I hung up, and seconds later, Charlie called me back, thank goodness.
I held the phone to my ear, blinking away tears as I drove down quiet, familiar roads.
"Hey," I said, trying to control my shaking weak voice.
"Hey," he said. "My phone was on silent. I just saw you called."
"Hey, where are you? I'm on the road right behind you."
"Nobody's right behind me," he said.
"Yeah, but I must be close. How far are you?"
"How far from what?" he said.
"My house. Aren't you headed back home?"
"No. I'm not paying attention to directions right now. I was going to drive around for a while."
"Did you leave in the same direction you came?" I asked. My voice still shook, but I did my best.
"No, I did not go that way. I think I'm by the road that leads to Sandy Beach. I see the sign for it right here."
"Sandy Beach? Why did you go that way?"
"Why are you calling me?"
"I need you to please wait where you are, Charlie, because I have to talk to you. I'm turning around now. I'm in the car, and I have to turn around, hang on. I thought I followed you. Are you for sure at Sandy Beach? Can you just wait there? Do you remember where we went before?" My words came out quickly in spite of my voice being shaky and quiet.
"Yes, I remember where we went before. I see that same parking lot right now."
"Why'd you go that way? Please park and wait there. I'm on my way. It's going to be like three or five minutes. Will you stay there?"
