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“Why would I give two fucking fucks about this?”
Hale’s eyebrows shoot up and I look away from his face because if I don’t, he’ll be able to read all my emotions and how close I am to cracking right now. His voice is low, “If you think you’ve been hiding a damn thing then you’re wrong.”
I snap my eyes to his and narrow them before tearing my eyes away from his and back at the newspaper. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I murmur.
Even though I’ve denied what they’re implying, I can’t help myself from looking at the article and a few smaller pictures where Ezra and Piper are sitting with another woman who is identified as Ezra’s sister. They look cozy.
Fuck.
When was the last time I thought anything was cozy?
They don’t identify Piper, but there’s plenty of speculation about who she is to Ezra. Every word, every insinuation that they’re together, is like a knife to the gut.
“Are you going to finally make Piper yours?” Remington’s voice is soft, and my head shoots up to look at him, my mouth opening to deny any feelings for Piper. He shakes his head fiercely, steel entering his voice, “Don’t. Don’t you dare disrespect her and lie to us about how you feel about her.”
Hale, points to the paper which I’m now clutching in my hand. “You might have already lost her.”
His words might as well be a grenade. They also surprise the hell out of me since there is not a damn thing about Hale which screams hearts, flowers or love.
The idea that Piper isn’t mine, that another man could be touching her, makes me growl from deep in my chest. I must look crazed because both Hale and Rem hold their hands up and take a step back. I feel like my skin is going to split and a beast is going to be set free at any moment. I don’t know how to stop it.
Rem looks at his watch and grimaces. “Piper is going to be here soon. You need to get your shit together.”
“Hit the showers, boss,” Hale says gruffly.
“Piper isn’t mine,” I grit out through my teeth. “I don’t care what she does or who she’s with.”
Remington’s face, which is normally graced with a smile, changes before I can even take a breath. He gets in my face, his voice low and threatening, “Lie to yourself if you must, but not me. Not us. We exist on trust. We trust each other with our lives. We trust each other to have the other’s back. I’m having your back right now by telling you that you’re being a fucking jackass and if it’s not too late then don’t fuck this up.”
Hale gives a nod and then both men are fucking gone. I give one more look at the heavy bag, but then I’m stalking through to the gym bathroom. My mind is a million miles away as I wash up and then pull on the clothes I brought with me. How I don’t rip every button from my shirt as I button it, I’m not sure.
Really everything in the world should be breaking in my hands right now because I’m having trouble dealing with the rage flowing through me. It’s not only rage though.
It’s jealousy. It’s pain. It’s fucking fear.
It hurts.
Those feelings throb inside of me. It has nothing to do with anger. The picture of Ezra fucking Payne hugging Piper keeps flashing through my head. Her lips on his cheek. It feels like my soul is being ripped out, a sliver at a time.
There has never been a woman in my life who has affected me as much as Piper does. From the moment I looked into her eyes, chocolate brown and so damn sinfully enticing, I was lost. I was lost to her. I haven’t looked at another woman since then.
I couldn’t.
It felt like I was betraying her just thinking about trying something, anything, with another woman. It made me sick to my stomach. It made me feel like those endless nights on missions when I wasn’t sure if I was going to survive were upon me again. The thought of giving my body or my heart to another woman made me feel like I was right back there in the worst of my memories, in the landscape of my nightmares.
So, I haven’t tried. I banished even the thought of it and focused on Sullivan Protection and making it the best it can be.
Still, I kept Piper at a distance. For me because it was the right thing to do. For her because I might want her, might know she’s mine with every fiber of my being, but that doesn’t mean I’m good for her.
I’m broken. I have been for a long time, and I don’t think even her arms could hold me together if another piece of me splintered away.
Then where would I be?
I’d be even more broken. I would leave shards of her in my wake as well and I won’t allow it. I can’t. I refuse to.
She deserves so much more than I can give her.
Even if I hate it.
