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“Well, that’s not true,” she argued.
“He cares about one person, himself. And he likes you because you’re the prettiest girl in the school.”
Delta was half-infuriated, half-flattered. She turned back around and faced him. McCrae could be so charmingly infuriating. “I’m not the prettiest—”
“Yeah, you are. Don’t take it as a compliment.” His blue eyes glimmered somewhere between mirth and anger. “He picked you because of your looks and popularity. He’s screwing around because he can. Amanda . . . Carmen . . . Ellie . . . they’d all lie down for him and probably already have.”
“Ellie?” she squeezed out, shocked, suddenly finding it hard to breathe.
“I’m just saying, don’t be naïve. We’re all graduating. Going our separate ways. Tanner wants to sow some wild oats, and you don’t put out.”
Her breath expelled in a rush.
“That’s what he said,” McCrae told her.
“So, if I ‘put out,’ I could have him back?” She was bitter.
“For a while.”
“What does that mean?”
He was heading for the stairs himself, but now he turned around and walked the rest of the way backward, keeping her in his vision. “High school’s over. All of this doesn’t matter. You and your friends . . . the Firsts . . .” His tone was mocking. “It’s done. Move on.” He reached the steps, turned around, and started climbing as Delta absorbed his words.
“Turn on, tune in, and drop out . . .”
She followed him to the bottom of the stairs. “What?” she asked, looking up at him.
“Just something from my parents. An old saying.”
“Are you smoking dope too?”
He was several feet above her, and now he glanced down, smiling. “If you truly want Tanner Stahd, you’re going to have to stop sounding as self-righteous as Ellie.”
Then he grabbed a rung and clambered the rest of the way up, like Woody had.
* * *
Bailey held a plate of roast pig, corn on the cob, and a deformed and burned biscuit, the kind the boys wolfed down like dollar pancakes but she couldn’t stomach. Kids had been wandering in and out of the copse of trees and coming back drunk or high. They’d hid their forays pretty well; none of the chaperones seemed to notice, though Counselor Billings, Freddie, and Coach Sutton had moseyed over to the trees a time or two, apparently considering. So far, no one had gotten busted.
Carmen was hanging with the boys. She’d managed to convince the reverend—God knew how—that the barbeque was a school-sanctioned event and there would be strict rules enforced. Carmen had always tested her father, and this was just another way to do that. There was a part of her, a gleam in her eye, that said she wanted to defy convention. Did she want to become the bad girl? The preacher’s daughter who goes rogue? Bailey sure as hell hoped not. It would just . . . be a big problem, and Bailey didn’t want big problems.
She knew she was considered the goody two shoes of their group. More than once, she’d sensed the Firsts wanted to kick her out, and well, that would hurt, but it would be okay, too. She just didn’t have it in her anymore to care. What had once seemed vitally important now felt sort of stupid.
What do you want?
She wanted to hang out with Carmen. Just Carmen . . . and okay, maybe Carmen’s family, too. Strict as the Proffitts were, Bailey felt their love like a cozy, enveloping blanket. She got some of that feeling from her dad, too, but he was so busy and sometimes couldn’t express himself quite the same way. He was cautious of her. Like he thought she might be secretly telling tales to Mom, though nothing could be further from the truth. Lill was with Mom. They were a twosome. And Mom was . . .
She couldn’t quite come up with the right word. Selfish . . . ? Narcissistic . . . ? Those sentiments were almost too harsh. Mom just wanted a new life without her policeman husband. Bailey had overheard her complaining once that Dad was just too “law and order” for her. She was intent on leaving, and she was willing to give up the family for it, which she did. Though they all knew she was with an old high school boyfriend, Mom hadn’t said a word about him.
Bailey had revealed to her father that she’d run into her mother at Carmen’s, and Dad—whom she called Quin, like everyone else—had gone completely still. This was the same reaction she always got whenever she brought up Mom, but it was better to be honest about everything than have him find out some other way that could be more hurtful. She’d made sure Quin knew the meeting was no big deal. Unplanned and therefore unscripted. Just one of those things. Still, it was hard on him, though he would never admit as much to Bailey. She suspected he still wanted Mom back, might even take her back, but the trust between them was shattered, so, in Bailey’s mind, it would never work.
At that moment, Carmen and a bunch of the other kids emerged from the trees and moved over toward the food. Bailey stepped toward Carmen.
“What’s going on?” Bailey asked her, eyeing Tanner Stahd, who was walking like a man concentrating on making it appear he was in complete control, even though his legs and arms were stiff, his movements wooden and off their timing by a half second. He was totally wasted, which made her nervous. She didn’t want Sutton, or Billings, or Freddie, or anybody else finding out.
Carmen was looking in Tanner’s direction, too. Bailey could pick up on her anxiety, even though she was silent. It was there in the creases on her forehead and the opening and closing of her fists.
“You okay?” Bailey asked.
