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“No,” she said, cutting him off. “My idea is that, well, it’s about what you said last night.”
His brow wrinkled. “What I said…”
She met his gaze, something defiant there. Her nose twitched. “I might want to use you, too.”
He stared at her for a second, his mental GPS not tracking. “What’s that now?”
She licked her lips and pushed a lock of hair that had escaped her bun behind her ear. Her gaze shifted to some spot off to the left of his shoes like she was losing confidence. “Last night, you said we shouldn’t get involved because you didn’t want to date anyone right now and that you’d just be using me for, you know, the physical stuff.” She tapped a pattern on her thigh with her fingers. “You assumed I’m looking to date. That’s not the case. I’m not prepared for that either. But I’m never going to be if I don’t…work through some things.”
Jasper’s ears started to ring like he’d been to a loud concert. He wasn’t hearing what he thought he was hearing. “Some things.”
She pinched her temples. “God, this is hard to say and like super embarrassing, but I’m giving this blatant honesty thing of yours a shot.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve been in therapy for this anxiety stuff for a while, but it can only do so much.” She closed her eyes. “I literally ache, Jasper. To be touched. To have that skin-to-skin contact with someone I’m into. I’m aloneall the time. A vibrator can take care of some things but can’t fix what’s wrong.”
Fuck.The visual. His whole body lit on fire. “Hollyn—”
She looked up, cheeks scarlet, but her gaze resolute. Brave. “So if you weren’t bullshitting me—if you’re actually into me that way, but would just want the physical stuff, to use me for that—well…I’m kind of in a place where Iwantto be used. Where I want to use you in the same way.”
He’d fallen asleep. That was the only explanation. He was on the couch, having some sort of erotic dream where Hollyn was begging him to touch her, telling him that she had an ache she wanted him to satisfy.
She closed her eyes and winced. “For the love of God, please say something before I suffer death by mortification right here in your kitchen.”
Not a dream.He swallowed past his parched throat and ignored his thundering heart. “Don’t do that. And please don’t be embarrassed. I’m just…processing that a beautiful woman asked to use me for sex. I’m determining if I’ve suffered a head trauma. Maybe I should try to count backward by sevens from one hundred. One hundred…ninety-three…”
She put her hands over her face and laugh-groaned. “Jasper.”
He stepped forward and took her wrists, gently bringing her hands away from her face. “Come on, it’s okay. Don’t hide. Look at me.”
Reluctantly, she opened one eye like she was afraid of what she’d find.
“You’re serious about this?” he asked softly.
She finally met his gaze, her facial tics doing a little dance. “I know it’s…unexpected. But once the idea got in my head, it started sounding more and more like an…elegant solution.”
“An elegant solution.” He hid his smile. This woman could be damn adorable.
“Yes.” She shrugged a shoulder, the movement tight and self-conscious. “You’re going through some stuff and are on the rebound, and you don’t want the strings that come along with relationships. But I’m guessing sex is still something you would like to have on occasion?”
“I’m twenty-five and male. So, pretty solid assumption.”
“And I want that, too, but I’m not ready to tackle the dating scene,” she said, not pulling her wrists from his gentle grip. “There are so many paths to navigate with that. Even Andi, who’s literally the most socially comfortable person I’ve ever met, is struggling with dating. I’ll drown. I just want to…practice with a guy I’m comfortable with who, you know, happens to be really hot.”
His eyebrows lifted. “You think I’mreallyhot? Not just standard hot?”
She groaned and tilted her head back. “You are the worst. No fishing for extra compliments, Deares.”
“Hey, if you’re not going to tell me how great I am in bed, this deal is off,” he said in a haughty tone. “I expect effusive praise before, during, and after, preferably at high volume so the neighbors can hear.”
She shoved him in his shoulder, his fingers still around her wrist. “You’re teasing me. You think I’m ridiculous.”
“No, I think you’re ridiculously sexy. And brave. And I think the universe might possibly be paying me back for the early years.” He released her wrists and stepped back to give her a little space. “But I want to make sure I understand what you’re proposing here. You’re talking a friends-with-benefits kind of situation?”
Her forehead scrunched. “Sort of. But maybe a little more…instructive? Like role-playing. Or a dress rehearsal for the real show.”
After his mind took a brief jaunt to a very dirty place at the wordrole-playing, her meaning sank in. “Like improv for dating?”
She cringed. He couldn’t tell if it was a tic or a reaction. “That sounds so weird.” She shook her head and pushed away from the counter. “Maybe Iamridiculous. Let’s just forget we had this talk, mmkay? I’ve hit my pathetic-meter limit for the day. Can we just get to the improv games and pizza?”
This was a bad idea. Not a ridiculous one—a perilous one. He was not prepared for this. Monique had already warned him not to get involved with Hollyn. He had yet to meet a relationship he couldn’t destroy or that wouldn’t destroy him. He didn’t want to hurt her.
He should let her run.
Run, Hollyn, run.
He grabbed her hand.
