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Chapter Sixteen
Hollyn was ready to bolt and leave a Hollyn-shaped hole in the door. This had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now that she’d said everything out loud and had seen the shocked look on Jasper’s face, she realized how bent she sounded. Mary Leigh was going to have a field day with this one in their next session.So what’d you do this week? Oh, just shamelessly threw myself at a guy and asked to use him for sex.
She tried to stride past Jasper, but he grabbed her hand as she passed, halting her. “Hey.” He tugged her back closer, his hazel eyes intent. “Don’t run. I was clarifying, not criticizing.”
“You don’t have to—”
He leaned down and touched his lips to hers, effectively shutting her up with the soft press of his mouth. Her body went still and hot, and she forgot to close her eyes.
He pulled back and smiled a half smile. “I’m in.”
She released a sharp breath, her heart hammering, her body just catching up to the kiss. “You are?”
“Yeah.” He pulled her against him, linking his arms around her waist and giving her a very serious, un-Jasper-like look. “I’m not going to pretend I’m an expert at dating rituals. And I blow at relationships. Awards could be given for how bad I am at them. But if you mean you want to practice feeling comfortable around someone, flirting, kissing, touching…” His gaze tracked over her face. “Sex, if that’s where it leads.”
If that’s where it leads…Her blood was pumping, her nipples sensitive against his chest, and her skin warm in all the right places. Her body was already leading that particular parade straight to the bedroom.
“Then, yes, I’m game. Very happily game,” he said. “I just…don’t want to risk hurting you. This won’t—can’t—turn into anything more than a friendship.”
She nodded, truly listening. Her mother had once told her that people tell you who they are if you listen closely. Jasper was telling her he was a leaver. She had to be okay with that. “I know. I’m not here for that. This isn’t some bait and switch.”
He gave her a rueful look. “I’m saying that as much for myself to hear. I have my own confession.”
Her brows lifted. “Oh?”
“Yep. Truth be told, I’ve never done the casual hookup thing.”
She scoffed. “Don’t bullshit me.”
He held her eye contact, no jest there. “No bullshit. Blatant honesty night, right?”
She nodded.
“I’ve gone on dates with people that didn’t turn serious, but when I start sleeping with someone, I see it as a relationship.” His fingers absently traced a circle on her lower back, sending tingles along her spine. “I mean, I tried once. I had a one-night stand when I was in college. She snuck out after I fell asleep—pretty standard operating procedure in college. But the way I felt when I woke up…” His fingers stopped moving. “Well, it felt like shit. I knew I didn’t want to do that to anyone else. And I didn’t want to experience feeling left like that again.”
Feeling left.The words made her think of what he’d said about his birth parents and his foster homes. Suddenly, it made sense. Sure, Jasper was charming and a performer and could probably have a regular rotation of one-night stands, but constantly saying goodbye would take its toll. Feeling abandoned would feel too familiar. He’d had a lot of goodbyes. A lot of people had turned him away. She pressed her hands against his chest. “I get that. And if this feels like that, then please—”
“It doesn’t,” he said. “This feels like…two friends helping each other out. Like”—he gave her a playful look—“an elegant solution.”
She considered him. “Two friends helping each other out. How am I helping you? Wait—I can’t exchange sex for a good Miz Poppy review.”
He grimaced. “Whoa. I swear that wasn’t in my head at all. You don’t have to give us a review. I’ll figure something else out to get us some publicity.”
She frowned. “Then what’s in this for you?”
“Is that supposed to be a serious question?” When she shrugged, he let out a sound of disbelief and touched his forehead to hers. “Fuck, Hollyn. You really need to take a hard look at yourself. You’re hot as hell. And smart. And funny. Plus, you have an exceptionally nice ass. Like top-notch.”
She laughed, her head dipping.
“But besides all that,” he continued. “I’m getting over a breakup. Having someone to hang out with who I can also kiss and touch without any worry of drama or the weight of heavy history—that’s a pretty fantastic deal.”
They were so close, she could feel his breath tickling her cheek, his heart beating against her chest—quick and strong. “Yeah?”
“Of course.”
She licked her lips. “I can still give you a review, you know. I’ll just have to put a footnote disclosing that I’m friends with one of the members.”
He brushed a thumb over her cheek. “I don’t want you to feel like you owe me that.”
