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“So you could sleep with them first?” Eva asked.
I curled my lip. “You know, you calling from the couch just makes you look lazy. And you sound annoying.”
“My ankle hurts,” Eva said.
“Tough day at the job yesterday?”
Eva turned her head. “Actually, yeah. I tripped over my laptop charger and twisted my ankle.”
“The tragic life of a horror writer,” I said.
“I’m sorry, between the three of us, who is the only one who gave up their dream?” Eva asked.
“First off, screw you,” I said. “Second off, I didn’t give up my dream. I compromised a little. Third off, who is the one out of the three of us that has the nicest apartment and the best food? Which is why you two are always here.”
“First off,” Eva said, “I make a ton of money. I’m pretty famous. Believe it or not. Second off, I only come over here because I need to get away from my place.”
“And, hey,” Zoe said, punching my arm, “are you calling me poor?”
“Never,” I said. “You’re always welcome here, Zoe.”
“Thank you,” she said. “I put on one hell of a show last night.”
“Yeah?” I asked. I grinned. “So did I.”
“Zoe is a real artist,” Eva said. “So am I.”
“I am too,” I said. “During the day I’m an artist with my camera. At night, my body is my… instrument…”
Zoe and Eva laughed.
“Wait,” Zoe said. “Would you consider your vagina a woodwind instrument then?”
“I’m not sure if that’s an insult or not,” I said. “I have to go shower and get ready for work.”
“Yeah, wash away all that filth,” Eva said.
“If you only knew the guy I was with,” I said.
“Best sex ever,” Zoe said.
“That’s right,” I said.
“Okay, so let me ask you something,” Eva said. “The guy is hot. You slept there all night. Best sex ever. Did you get his number or anything?”
“No,” I said. “Why would I do that?”
Eva shook her head. “You have issues.”
“I have rules,” I said. “My rules never fail me. Any other questions?”
“Oh, I have plenty,” Zoe said. “Did he play the flute?”
“What?” I asked.
“You know… if your vagina is an instrument… did he…play the flute?”
“Wouldn’t she play the flute?” Eva asked. “If it’s a circular object and her mouth was on it?”
