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I realized just how lucky I was to have a friend like Rose. Her apartment was two bedrooms and she invited me to stay for as long as I needed. It would make things a lot easier since I wasn’t expecting any more money from the club, and I needed to quickly find a job so I could pay for what was left of my classes at college. I’d had a little put away, but it wouldn’t take me long to go through that.
Luckily Rose already had a spare bed in the other room, so that was one less thing I was going to have to think about.
I looked up as the door to my new room pushed open. I had yet to go to sleep and it was now 9:00 a.m. I just couldn’t turn my brain off. My eyes ached, my head pounded and my heart hurt. There was no more dramatic way to describe how I was feeling. It was just that simple.
My heart hurt.
Rose popped into the room, a soft smile on her face. “Don’t suppose you’re going to come to class today?” She had her backpack thrown over one shoulder and was dressed in a casual pair of jeans and a navy blue T-shirt. I tried to smile back at her, but I’m sure it looked more like a grimace.
“I think I’ll pass today. I went to the bathroom just before and looked in the mirror. I look like I’ve been two rounds withMuhammad Ali,” I told her, gesturing to my swollen puffy eyes.
Her smile stayed, but slowly turned into not one of encouragement, but to one of pity. “You look beautiful, Chelsea,” she told me softly.
I huffed out a quiet laugh. “Thanks, Rose. It’s okay. I’ll catch up with you later. I doubt I’ll be leaving the building today.”
She nodded. “I’ll let the biker-bum-boy out the front know.” She winked before turning and strutting out the door.
I had to laugh. Rose was unpredictable. One moment she was sweet and soft and you’d think maybe she had been broken before, it was something I still wondered about. But then she throws out that sass and it’s like she’s a whole different person.
So Optimus still had a man on me.
I tried not to read too much into it.
I know he wanted me safe and it was a prospect’s job to do all the dirty duties. It was no skin off Op’s nose to have one man out all day babysitting. Optimus never denied his feelings for me. In fact, he’d straight up admitted them last night. He said he couldn’t breathe when I wasn’t near.
Good, I hope he suffocates.
The thought made me smile. I was all out of tears. The dam had run dry, but it didn’t mean that there weren’t still thousands of thoughts and memories swirling around my brain. I decided to attempt to get up and do some study. I couldn’t let this feeling consume me because I knew if I let it take me over, I’d end up crawling right back to him, and this wholeme being strong shitand walking away would’ve been for nothing.
I couldn’t let the pain I was feeling be for nothing.
I threw the blankets off me and went in search of my backpack that had my laptop and school books in it, finding it sitting next to the front door. There was a small window next to the door, I pulled on the curtain subtly and took a peek outside. A bike was parked at the curb outside and a club member sitting at the bottom of our staircase, cigarette hanging from his fingers. As I thought, there was only a prospect patch across the back of his cut, they didn’t get their full patch until they were voted in as a full member.
I couldn’t tell who it was, as they had a hood pulled up over their head and I knew both Ham and Neil smoked. I sighed and let the curtain fall back into place. I knew the ins and outs of the club like I’d been born into the life. Sometimes I’d wonder whether everything in life had its purpose.Were we actually in control of our destinies, or was that something that was controlled by fate?
I loved my parents and I missed them every single fucking day, but what if they had never died? What if I’d never found the club?
I know I felt as though the club filled the void that I’d missed by not having a stable family while I was growing up, but what if it was more than that? What if the club was where I was meant to be? What if fate had wanted me to find the brothers?
I shook my head.
Fate must be a cruel bitch if she put me through all the shit in my life, killing my mom and dad, throwing me into homes where I had‘parents’that only cared about the paycheck I bought them every week, only to lead me here where she knew I was going to have my heart broken.
I felt ill.
I never meant to come here and fall in love. It was the last thing on my mind the night I walked into the Brothers by Blood clubhouse. I was looking for hot men and sex. Plenty of no strings attached, don’t care if I never see you again sex. What I ended up with was a home, a best friend, a man who stole my heart and a clubhouse full of guys who would lay their lives on the line for mine.
My back hit the door as I struggled against the emotions, fighting them, trying so hard not to let them consume me. I slid to the floor with a thump, a jolt of pain shooting up my spine.
It was suddenly hitting me.
Walking away had caused me to lose more than just the man I loved - I’d walked away from a family I never thought I would have again. Once again, I felt like I’d lost everything and that tunnel of darkness was slowly creeping up on me, threatening to pull me inside.
This is why I’d spent my life running.
If I didn’t get attached, then nothing could hurt me.
I ran because I was afraid.
