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I spun, forcing one foot in front of the other and concentrating on the crunch of the gravel beneath my feet instead of Kit’s voice calling out after me. Taking a deep breath, I stepped inside the clubhouse with a smile on my face as I passed the people inside. Members and girls nodded in respect as I moved swiftly through them and up the staircase. My fingers were twitching as I walked toward the room at the end of the hall that Kit and I shared.
I needed to play, the sound of my guitar already echoing in my ears and soothing my body. Music was my peace. It soothed my soul and allowed me to not just let out my frustrations, but pulled me into another world where, for just a moment, I could block everything out.
Picking up my guitar before climbing onto our bed, I rested my back against the headboard. I closed my eyes, but all I could see was Kit. The look on his face when the doctor had told us that me getting pregnant may be off the cards. He was disappointed, I could tell even though he tried to cover it. Kit wanted children. To him, the club was more than just his brothers and business plans—it was family.
He’d grown up within these walls, with men just like these. He wanted his kids to do the same. He wanted to bring them into this large beautiful crazy family and teach them love and strength and everything in between. He wanted them to have what he had, the life that had made him into the amazing man he was today.
And I found myself aching for that too.
The connection Kit and I had was otherworldly. He put up with my strange quirks and sarcastic retorts and I embraced his alpha male persona and his protective nature. Our love had no boundaries, and it was a love that I wanted to share with our children. To show them just how a man should be, and how a woman should be treated.
I wanted him to be a father. I knew that no matter what, I would give anything in order to do just that. I just wasn’t sure how.
