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It clouded my senses, driving me to the point of insanity.
But as I looked across the room at Wrench, his fists clenched as though he would leap off the floor at any moment to beat the demons back, protect me like he promised, that was when I realized… there was no noise.
The room was silent, so silent all I could hear was his heavy breathing and the way he was grinding his teeth together. I could hear the squeak of his leather cut when he moved. He wanted to reach out to me, I could feel and see just how much he was struggling to hold himself back.
This was different, an experience I’d never felt before. For once, I wasn’t fighting this alone.
During these times, it would usually be the pills that would comfort me, chase the shadows away and bring back the color to the world. They were my ally. But as he sat there, in silence, his overpowering strength, his words of protection playing over and over in my head, I could see the shadows sinking away.
The sun began to shine through the window, lighting up the room again. Maybe it had always been there, maybe my mind had simply blocked it out, but either way, the darkness was slowly being forced back into the corners of the room.
My lungs expanded further, taking in deeper breaths, urgently filling my deprived lungs and brain. My body continued to shudder and shake, but I held onto Wrench’s gaze. He didn’t have to speak, or touch me, or try to comfort me with words. To be honest, if he had, it would have only made things worse.
It was like he knew that his presence would be enough, the silent unspoken look in his eyes speaking a thousand words that he couldn’t say. The sunlight moved across the floor of the bedroom. I felt like time was moving quickly, but in reality, I knew that hours were passing by. My body continued to shake, even as my racing heart changed from a fast beating hum to a slow thud. When my fingers began to heat, I finally looked down. The sunlight was touching my hand, warming my skin, casting its light on me.
I licked my lips. “You think I’m crazy.”
“I’ve been sitting here for three hours, not saying a word, but that’s what you think you heard?” he answered calmly.
“I…” I struggled to find a reply.
“I’m gonna run you a bath,” he said softly. “Is that okay?”
I looked down at my leg, the wooden steps that led up to my front door had torn it up when I’d tripped. Blood was smeared over both my arms and droplets had settled on the carpet beside my foot. The pain was slowly feeding back into my senses, and I shuddered.
“Yeah… that would be okay.”
He pushed to his feet as he moved toward the door but my eyes began to blur again. “Wrench,” I gasped.
He spun to face me, his eyes alert. “Yeah…”
“Can… can I come with you.” I didn’t want to be alone. Even if he wasn’t touching me, just having him there, knowing I was safe, knowing he would fight for me, it made me feel calm.
He came forward, holding out his hand to me. I placed my blood stained fingers in his, only realizing then that there was another graze across my palm. He held it gingerly as he pulled me onto my shaky legs.
“Can I pick you up?” he asked, keeping his distance. Maybe he thought I’d run, or maybe he was scared that I could break down again at any moment, and he didn’t want to put up with me for another three hours as I tried to calm down.
I cleared my throat. “Yeah.”
He placed one hand on my back, bent down and hooked his arm under my knees. Lifting me off the floor, he cradled me against his body and I curled in toward his chest. The smell of his leather, the sound of his beating heart, it all crowded around me like a protective and supportive cloak.
He’d seen me break down and lose my mind, yet here he was, and he wasn’t running for the hills. He wasn’t calling someone like Optimus to come and deal with me, and so far, I’d not even seen a flash of judgment in his eyes.
It would be nice to say he’d seen me at my worst and was still willing to stand by me.
That would be a lie.
This was bad, even I’ll admit that, but the worst was yet to come.
He hadn’t seen anything just yet.
