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The space was becoming smaller, squeezing me, constricting my breathing.
“Sugar?”
His voice hit me in the chest, and suddenly I inhaled a deep breath.
Wrench.
I looked up, seeing him standing in the doorway. Even through the blur of my tears, I could tell his face was full of concern. With each step he took toward me, the weight on my body lifted, and I sucked in another soothing breath.
“Hey…” he whispered softly. “What’s going on?” His gaze moved down to my legs, his eyes widening. I looked down, there was a large graze up the front of my shin, blood trailing down in droplets onto the floor.
He rushed forward, the movement too fast. I screamed, pulling my knees to my chest and turning my head away, waiting for the touch that would burn my skin. But it never came.
Peeking out the corner of my eye, I watched as he kneeled down beside me, his movements now slow and deliberate. My breathing was rapid but shallow, my heart feeling like at any moment it could explode from my chest and coat the room in my blood. I swallowed back the bile that formed in my throat.
He held up his hands, showing me he wasn’t going to touch me. “I just need to know what happened. I want to help.”
“You can’t,” I rasped. “Just don’t touch me.”
He nodded, but I could tell he was struggling to hold back, his brows pinched together in fear and his eyes scanning the room as though he was expecting a monster to jump out at any moment.
What he didn’t realize, was that the monster was sitting in front of him.
The colors of the room were fading, almost as though I was in some kind of black and white film. The darkness lurked in the corners, threatening to swallow me at any moment, feeling my fear, looking for any weaknesses they could use to their advantage.
He shuffled back against the wall, a few inches separating our feet, as he bent his knees and rested his arms on top of them, his eyes constantly watching me. We stared across at each other, no words spoken as he held my gaze.
My body shook, I desperately wanted it to stop. I wanted to run, I just couldn’t figure out how. This was it, the world was crumbling down around me, and there was no stopping it. I couldn’t even fight my way out, it was fucking pointless trying.
I was waiting for him to start laughing at me, to point over and tell me how weak I was. I couldn’t argue.
I was weak.
I needed the pills.
They would get me through this.
They would make it all better.
Numb, I want to be numb.
I was broken, twisted and screwed up.
I waited for judgment to reach Wrench’s eyes. He must know. He must be so disgusted. Shame built up in my gut, and I curled my arms around my knees, pulling them into my chest, not even caring when I looked down and saw that blood was smeared across my arms.
It will make you feel better.
The words made me want to vomit as they played over and over in my head. I screamed out loud and threw my head back. My hand twitched. I wanted to reach for the drawer where they were hidden. It was an internal battle—fight the darkness alone or give in to the one thing that I knew would offer me peace.
I wanted one, just one.
No, I needed more than one.
Then I could drift away into oblivion and never return. The pain would fade, as would the noise.
That’s what I hated most.
The noise.
