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“You need to calm down and tell me what the hell happened.”
When I turned to her, I knew I couldn’t hide the tears that had begun to streak my face. I’d planned a great summer, one where I could make some money and spend time with the few friends I had, as well as go with the club on days out swimming and barbequing and cookouts. One where Ham and I would build our relationship, and my mom would learn what an amazing guy he was, and maybe even give her blessing. That was the plan, and it was a good one—a fun and exciting one—right before I started what would probably be the three most stressful years of my life as I tried to earn a degree and start a career.
Instead, though, I was running.
And I had no idea where I was going.
Part of me knew I was taking the easy way out, and even though I was angry at myself for it, I just knew if I stayed here for two more months, I would end up in a place that I really didn’t want to be.
Mom’s eyes widened, and she jumped up from the bed, hurrying around the side with her arms open. I unconsciously gravitated toward them, seeking the comfort of the person who made me feel safe and warm. “Meyah, what’s wrong? What happened?”
“I think I love him, Mom,” I whispered, followed by a heartbreaking sob.
Mom wrapped her arms around me and drew me into her chest. I felt like I might fall to pieces any moment, shatter like shards of glass, but Mom held me tight keeping me together, and I clutched onto her for dear life.
“Shhh,” she soothed, rocking our bodies back and forth. “Shhh, baby girl. It’s okay.”
Her hands rubbed up and down my back as I tried to catch my breath, but everyone felt more painful than the last.
“Something happened with you and Ham, huh?” she asked softly, leaning her body back so that she could see my face. I looked up at her, expecting to see anger, expecting to face the fury of a women who told me not to have sex until I was thirty. Instead, I saw genuine concern and understanding.
I nodded. “Something big,” I whispered, cringing, and hoping that those two words would be enough, and she wouldn’t make me tell her anything else. Her hands never stopped, they continued to rub up and down my back gently and smoothly. I didn’t miss the way she was fighting to even out her breathing, taking sharp breaths in and holding them before blowing them out. “I’m sorry, Mom.”
Her eyes finally came back to mine, and she shook her head profusely. “No, you don’t need to be sorry for being hurt. We put our trust and our hearts into people and sometimes, they just can’t do the same, but that is not your fault, that’s on them.”
While her words made me feel a little better, I had the feeling we weren’t just talking about me. The corner of the photo in my pocket jabbed into my thigh painfully. Angrily, I tugged it out and tossed it over at my vanity. It hit the mirror, knocking off the letter that had been stuck up there with a piece of gum. They both fluttered to the ground by our feet. The picture of my mom and dad smiling, and my acceptance letter to the University of Arizona.
I could hear the conversation I’d had with Asha in my head.
“You guys are going to the University of Arizona?”
Asha and Callie both nodded excitedly. “Yeah, the boys, too,” Asha confirmed. “We are gonna drive to Vegas one weekend a month. It’s going to be awesome!”
The photo beside it, the Vegas sign in the background was screaming at me, connecting the two places together.
He could still be there.
My heart hurt so bad.
I just wanted the pain to go away, but I knew it wouldn’t here.
I would see him, hear his voice, need his touch.
I wouldn’t be able to stay away and refused to be weak again, to let him treat me that way and then just take him back. No. I wasn’t that girl. Not anymore.
But maybe I could find something else to fill that void. Maybe I could find the piece I’d been looking for so long.
The missing piece of me.
“How soon do you think we can get flights to Arizona?”
