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Was this what he felt when she siphoned his magic?That it was a two-way street, a give-and-take?The simple connection anchored her, kept her above the rushing tides of her sadness on the silent ride back to the warehouse.
She acted on autopilot while he explained things in tense whispers to her cousins and led her to his room.A couch that hadn’t been here before now dominated one wall, a tweed monstrosity in shocking orange that cut through the black-and-white vision of sorrow.
“A pull-out sleeper,” Perry said.“Because Alexei worried I might take advantage of you.Or you might take advantage of me.”The joke fell flat, careening into doubt before he’d finished its stilted delivery.“Tell me how to help.”
“Pity was not part of our deal.”
“Fuck pity.How about simple kindness?Or repayment for dragging you into that bookshop and subjecting you to that?”
“To the truth?”Because in all its hideous reality, that’s what it’d been.
“To it being launched at you in such a godawful way.”
“As if hearing any other way could’ve made it easier to accept that my father murdered my mother?”
Perry closed the distance between them, his shoes brushing against the toe of her heels.She couldn’t look at him.She wouldn’t cry.Not now.Not in front of him.Not until she’d gotten through this damn trip to the goblin realm.
He tugged her close, that same contact she’d used to control his magic suddenly overwhelming her in its intensity.“Let me hold you.”
She should say no.Hell, she shouldn’t risk his life to take him to Kradnovtl.But he was solid and warm.He understood being cut off from family as a kid.He’d confronted his own past in that bookshop—as she had.Maybe he needed this as badly as she did.
She doubted it when he wrapped his arms around her, but she melted against him.They shouldn’t fit together so well.Her head shouldn’t have the perfect place to rest against his shoulder.The easy tension shouldn’t ebb away as if they drained the emotional toll from each other as much as she stole slivers of his powers.
But it did.
Oh, it did.
She wanted to stay there with him rubbing a lazy hand against her back and holding her tight.No matter if it was wrong.No matter if this was all pretend because it didn’t feel like pretend right now.
“Stay with me tonight.”He urged her to agree with those whiskey-colored eyes.“I’ll take the couch.We can think of it as practice for Kradnovtl.”
“Okay.”The agreement was out of her mouth before she thought it through.After the couch opened to a size that would barely accommodate a toddler, he flipped one way, then another—not complaining when his head hit the side or his feet dangled off the edge.
“This is ridiculous.You can share the bed,” she said.“On top of the covers.”No need to give her soon-to-be fake husband any ideas.Or risk holding on to him until this pain stopped.
“If you’re sure.”
She didn’t bother to answer, but the quiet must’ve been good enough for him.The rustle of fabric and the creak of the crappy pull-out being folded soothed her nerves.This could be the same as the sleepovers she’d done with her cousins or other models.That she wanted to stay in his arms and breathe him in until the hurt faded away didn’t matter.It was the stress of the night.
The weight of the mattress shifted with his movements, and then there was nothing but a fan’s hum and the sound of waves and rustle of cotton sheets between them.
The darkness gave her a shield to hide behind.“I should’ve known,” she said.Those small words hung heavy, like charged particles in the air around her.“She hadn’t come for me.”
He reached for her hand, a buzz of electricity faint under his skin.“You couldn’t have guessed what would happen.You were a kid.”
“I didn’t want to go back.Because then I would have to face what happened after I left.”
“But you will anyway?”
“Promises to Baba can’t be broken.”His silence—not judging or questioning—pulled the truth from her the same as a confessional might had she ever tried.“But I can’t becomehim.”
“Your father.”
“He was a monster.”
“You aren’t.”
“But you thought so when you first saw my other form.You called it a realm of monsters tonight.”
