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She shook her head. ‘You’re right, I was in a flap. Mum and Dad always kept their cool.’ When he made a face that suggested she wasn’t telling him anything new, she asked, ‘What happened today?’
‘Does it matter?’ But more calmly, he sat opposite her at the kitchen table. ‘Megan was having a great time, both of the riders were, they were trotting in circles and the horses were behaving themselves. Megan turned to wave at the other rider, the momentum of her turn put her off balance and she fell.’
‘I just heard the scream, I saw her lying on the ground…’
‘Riders fall off, you know that. You’ve done it enough times yourself.’ He reached over and gave her hand a squeeze. ‘You more than me.’
‘As if.’ She managed a smile as he got up to go over to the back door and pull on his boots.
‘Just try not to assume the worst next time – you can still stay safe and be careful without flying into a panic. Ninety-nine per cent of the time, all is well and the rider will get back on the horse straight away.’
‘I know.’ He had one boot on. ‘By the way, thanks for telling James I wasn’t well.’
With a smile, he pushed his foot into his other boot. ‘I figured you could use the break.’ But he didn’t miss his opportunity. ‘I thought you were going to ask Gus’s daughter to be your first student. What happened to that idea?’
‘Long story.’
And one he didn’t have time for. And so he left her to it.
* * *
Come late afternoon, Hazel had finished both of her lessons and felt much more positive. One of her riders had actually fallen today – two in one day was pretty unusual, especially when they were as experienced as those in her group. But there hadn’t been tears, there’d been laughter after Pearl, the lady who’d fallen, got straight out of the way of Franklin and stood up tall. ‘That’ll teach me to be a cougar,’ she’d said, and Hazel had wondered what on earth she was talking about until she admitted she’d been looking over at Arnold when he walked past.
When the lesson was over and Hazel began to untack Franklin, she saw James parking up again. ‘You’re back.’ She had the horse’s saddle, girth, and saddle pad over her arm and his bridle on her shoulder.
‘I came to see if you were okay after earlier, you know, the girl, the fall.’
She began to make her way to the tack room after saying goodbye to her students. ‘I remember.’ She didn’t turn to face him, he spoke while she walked, and in the tack room, she put Franklin’s tack away in the relevant places before picking up a cloth to give the saddle a good wipe.
‘Hazel, I know you think I didn’t understand you when we were together.’ He was in the tack room with her but stepped aside when she moved to clean Franklin’s bridle next. ‘I wasn’t there for you. Well, I was. I tried to be.’ He ran a hand across his smoothly shaven jaw.
‘There for me when? Say it.’ Her voice rose as she ushered him out of the tack room after she’d put the girth away.
‘When the kid fell and his dad blamed you.’
‘You’re right, you were there for me.’
‘As I said, I tried to be,’ he went on, as she strode back to get the other set of tack. He followed after her while she marched that lot to the tack room too. ‘The kid recovered fine,’ he added as she headed for the house this time. ‘Nobody died, nobody was left permanently incapacitated—’
She turned suddenly, causing James to almost crash into her. ‘Nice, James. Really nice.’
‘I don’t know what you want from me.’ He sounded exasperated.
‘I don’t know!’ She never yelled at him, but all the emotions had built up for so long she could no longer control herself. She was losing a sense of who she was, and he still didn’t see it. ‘I’m going out, please just let me do that.’
‘I want to help you, don’t you see that?’ He put a hand to her cheek. ‘All I want is for you to be happy.’
She felt tears welling in her eyes. He cared, in his own way, he thought he understood her. ‘I know,’ was all she could manage before she went in through the front door, boots still on and clumps of dirt depositing themselves onto the hall floor as she went to sit on the bottom stair. And she stayed there until she heard James tread the gravel to go over to his car, the sound of the engine and the rumble as he pulled away from Heritage View House. Seeing James wasn’t just infuriating because he didn’t understand what she wanted and needed, how this was her life and she didn’t want to give up on it, it was also because with his sympathy and his support; it reminded her of how he’d held her up when she’d fallen apart, and with him still doing it, it only showed her how little progress she’d made. She was in just as much of a mess now as she had been back then. And that wasn’t his fault; it was hers. And it was the most depressing, frustrating thing of all.
She swept up the dirt after removing her boots and headed straight for the shower. Tonight she wanted to forget about everything and have a nice time with her friends. But as she dried her hair, she knew she had to see Gus at the party too, and thinking about the way she’d behaved at the pub, how he’d taken care of her, she wondered: had she judged this man too harshly? She wasn’t sure but what she did know what that she had to apologise for the way she’d acted and the sooner she did it, the sooner they could go back to the way things had been before: talking and joking at the stables, comfortable in each other’s company. That was what she wanted most of all and yet it made her sad, knowing they’d never be more than friends. Because Hazel could still remember the smell of his shirt as she buried her head against his chest and he carried her inside the house up to her bedroom. And she remembered how it felt to be in his arms.
It had felt good.
