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Chapter Thirty-Four
Isat out on the terrace in the fluffy white robe Charlie had bought for me (which in true, posh style had my initials embroidered on). For the beginning of December, it was surprisingly mild. Charlie had been travelling a lot over the past few months to the US, Europe and the Far East on business (he’d invited me to join him, but I’d explained that I needed to be at work), so we hadn’t been seeing much of each other over the autumn. But this was now the third weekend in a row I’d been here, and I was a little disappointed with myself. I was worried that because of Charlie’s kind, sweet, nature, I was getting swept away with it all and was losing focus.
After we’d first spent the night together, Charlie had sent me two boxes of my favourite Lola’s cupcakes and a giant bouquet of flowers with a note saying how much he’d enjoyed our evening and couldn’t wait to see me again.
Even back then, whilst part of me said:‘Awww, how sweet. What a lovely message,’ the other part was niggling away, screaming, ‘Shit! I’m not even sure if I want to continue with this.’I couldn’t shake the feeling in my gut that it didn’t feel right. But then Reasanna had piped up:
FFS, Sophia, the man has just sent you your favourite cakes and had them chauffeur-driven to you at work, and you’re still not sure? What do you want, woman? Diamonds?
And furthermore, this passion thing you keep harping on about isn’t real life. Look where that got you with Lorenzo. A first-class ticket to Nowhereland. That’s where.
Have you forgotten that you’re fast approaching forty? You don’t have the same options as you did when you were twenty-five. You must see by now how hard being single can be. I’m not saying to go out with any man who sends you flowers—anyone can do that—but don’t rule someone out before you’ve given them a proper chance. You’d be crazy to end this without seeing where it could go. It was the first time you two had proper sex in ages, so it’s natural that you both may be a bit rusty. Try again, and I’m sure it’ll get better. And maybe the passion will grow. Look at people who have arranged marriages. They find a way to make it work.
So I listened to Reasanna and decided to persevere. After all, according to point number seven in my MAP plan, I was supposed to be embracingallopportunities. And before I’d met Charlie, if the universe had said to me:‘I can send you a guy that is probably going to fall madly in love with you, will be handsome, kind, successful, eager to please you, not a weirdo, financially secure (understatement of the century) and will want to have sex with you,’ I would have said ‘sign me up!’ But now that I had that, strangely, it wasn’t so appealing. Rich had a lot of those qualities too, and sometimes it just wasn’t enough…
That’s the thing. Getting into another routine relationship had never been my intention. That had been the problem with my life before with Rich, and I felt like I was falling into the same patterns again.
As lovely as Charlie was, now that he’d stopped travelling so much for work and we were seeing more of each other, it had become a little predictable.
Typically, on the Saturday, he’d send a car to collect me from home around 5.30 p.m., which would then take me to a fancy restaurant in Mayfair or Knightsbridge. We’d have an early dinner until about 9.30 p.m., then go back to his penthouse, where, after some polite conversation, he would give me a look, take my hand, lead me up the stairs to his bedroom and we’d have sex.
It was marginally better, and sometimes, if I could get my mind in the right place and concentrated hard enough, I enjoyed it a little bit, but not as much as him.
I knew exactly how my weekends with Charlie would be and what he’d do in bed. It was like he’d followed some kind of ‘how to have sex with a woman’ manual:
Step 1:kiss subject on lips for one minute
Step 2:then move to her neck and give sloppy wet kisses for precisely thirty seconds
Step 3:peck from her neck downwards until you reach her breasts
Step 4:kiss said breasts in a clockwise fashion for fifteen seconds, before sucking on nipples gently for ten counts
Step 5:repeat action twice before taking hand and slowly moving downwards until you reach her vagina
Step 6:rub vagina gently and check for moistness
Step 7:if sufficient moisture is evident, you may now proceed with entry. If not, repeat steps 1-6 until desired effect is achieved, this time adding a generous sprinkle of platitudes such as ‘you’re beautiful’, ‘I’m so turned on right now’ and ‘I want you so much’…
Aaaaarrggghhhh!
Where was the passion? Where was the spontaneity? Why was it always the missionary position? Why did it always have to be in the bedroom? This was a 4,000-square-foot apartment, FFS. Why couldn’t we do it on the terrace in the moonlight, on the marble kitchen worktop or even on the bloody sofa? Whenever I suggested this, he said he felt more comfortable in the bedroom, and every time I tried to go on top, he’d roll me back.
On a Sunday morning, he’d pop out get pastries from the little French bakery and then some dishes from M&S, or he’d go to a restaurant and ask them to make me a special meal with fresh prawns or lobster and bring it back home for us to reheat.
Despite his kindness, the more I thought about it, the more I realised that I needed to seriously consider taking time out or ending things completely. But was that the right thing to do? Was I expecting too much? Maybe, like Reasanna said, with time things would improve. Or perhaps if I explained my concerns, he’d be okay with something a little less serious and full-on. Hmmm. My thoughts were all muddled. This was one for the frienmittee. I needed my committee of close friends, i.e., Roxy’s and Bella’s wisdom.
I launched WhatsApp.Great—they’re both online.
Me
Hey, ladies, how’s it going?
Roxy
Hey, Sophia. All cool. Just chilling in bed with coffee number two.
Bella
