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‘Huh?’ he asked, rubbing his eyes. ‘What did you say, Sophia?’
‘I said I’mpregnant. I’m having a baby,’ I clarified, whilst fixating my eyes on him to monitor his reaction.
He bolted upright in the bed. I guess he heard and understood this time…
‘What? You are having a baby?’ He rubbed his eyes again, opened them rapidly, then began frowning.
Clearly his brain was working hard to juggle trying to wake up, taking in what I’d said in English, translating it into Italian and then attempting to process the enormity of my revelation. ‘It is my baby, yes? You stopped seeing that guy, Charlie, before we began our relationship in London?’
‘Yes, I’m pretty sure it’s yours…’ I paused and shifted in the bed as I considered how best to reply. ‘I haven’t seen Charlie for ages—like you said. Since we met up again, it has only ever been you. Except—well, the thing is that, having looked at the possible dates of conception, there’s a bit of a grey area because a few hours before you messaged and the day before you and I met up again in London, Ihadslept with Charlie. We used a condom, but itmighthave come off during sex—I can’t be a hundred percent sure. And then of course I wasn’t intending to sleep with you when we went for that drink. I just wanted to hear what you had to say, but the attraction was so strong that I couldn’t help myself. So because we were also together and the baby could have been conceived at any point that week, there’s some confusion. But don’t worry, I’m certain it’s yours. I mean, itmustbe…’
Now I was rambling, and it wasn’t sounding good at all.
He stared at me blankly, eyes glaring. There was silence for what felt like twenty hours, but in reality was around twenty seconds. That might not seem like very long, but when you’ve dropped a bombshell like this and are waiting for someone to respond, it might as well be an eternity.
‘Aren’t you going to say something?’ I said, desperate to break the silence.
‘I…I am…shocked,’ he said. The vein in the centre of his forehead had become enlarged and was throbbing violently. Blood rushed to his cheeks causing them to look inflamed. No doubt with anger. ‘Sophia, I am surprised. I…I need time. I must think about everything that you have said.’
He jumped out of the bed and went into the bathroom. There was silence for a while as if he was in there thinking, but then I heard him switch on the shower.
Shit. I should have thought more carefully about how I said it. This must be a lot for him to take in. If we could talk it through, hopefully I could reassure him. I needed Lorenzo to know what he meant to me. That itmustbe his baby. He was the only father I wanted for my child.
When he came out, he avoided eye contact and got dressed quickly without uttering a word.
‘I am going to be late for work,’ he said, scooping up his keys and phone from the coffee table. ‘I must think. Give me time, please, Sophia.’
Although he avoided looking at me as he fled out the door, I could sense he was shocked. But there was something else, too. Vulnerability, perhaps? Pain? I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I wanted to take him in my arms and somehow reassure him that we’d be okay.
We’d never talked about kids during our conversations. To be honest, I’d steered clear of the subject as I didn’t want to highlight the fact that if hedidwant children, I might not be able to provide them. As Monique had said at my birthday dinner last year, men can have children in their seventies and it’s accepted. Whereas once women hit thirty-five, we’re constantly told that we’re over the hill. So if a familywason his wish list, bringing it up would only serve to remind him that he needed to pursue a younger model, rather than stay with a woman like me, whose ovaries were fast approaching their expiration date.
In a way, I wished he’d shouted, screamed or just saidsomethingso I knew what he was thinking. But like he said, he needed time to take it all in, and I had to respect that. I’d known for days and was still coming to terms with it, so I could only imagine how many different emotions were flooding through his mind. If space was what he needed, I had to try and give it to him.
It was now Saturday,and I still hadn’t heard anything from Lorenzo.
It can be annoying to be harassed after telling someone you need space, so I’d initially vowed not to contact Lorenzo until he’d got in touch first. But now it had been three days, and I hadn’t even got a ‘hello’ from him. I was worried. Normally we spoke at least twice a day. I checked WhatsApp. He was last seen when? Wednesday afternoon? That was so unlike him.
I tried calling his phone. Switched off.Of course. He’s working.
By 7 p.m., after trying to call two more times, I couldn’t take it anymore. I booked an Uber and headed to the restaurant.
I knew he’d be busy, but I just needed to know he was okay. Surely he would have had a break at some point in the day and seen my missed calls?
As I entered the restaurant, I saw Gino, one of Lorenzo’s waiter friends, in the corner. He caught my eye and when he’d finished taking a customer’s order, he headed over to me by the entrance.
‘Gino, how are you?’ I asked, smiling, but also scanning the busy restaurant on the off-chance that Lorenzo had stepped out of the kitchen.
‘Bene, Sophia,’ he said, returning my smile. ‘You looking for Lorenzo?’
‘Yes,’ I replied. ‘Is he in the kitchen? I can’t seem to reach him.’
‘Sorry, Sophia, but Lorenzo has gone. Back to Italy,’ he replied, his face falling.
‘What?’ I snapped. ‘What do you mean he’s gone?’ I shouted. Some of the guests turned around to see what the commotion was about. Gino touched my shoulder and gently ushered me outside the restaurant.
‘This afternoon,’ he replied. ‘Chef was not happy. Lorenzo said he has personal problems and must go. He called and told me that if you came, to say he is sorry. He said he left a key with his neighbour, Jack, and that if you ring Flat 5, he will let you into his place as there is something there for you. I hope that makes sense?’ Seeing how upset I was, he touched my shoulder again. ‘I am sorry, Sophia. I must go back inside.’
I was rooted to the spot. I couldn’t even speak. Everything was spinning.
