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Javier:
HIM:wow I love your legs. Can I gift you louboutins?
ME:Thank you for the kind offer of shoes, however I already have a few pairs of my own so I’m fine thanks. Tell me, what are you looking for on this site? Just a hook-up?
HIM:Probably…your legs and feet excite me Lol
Aaaargggh! Clearly, it doesn’t matter which app you use. Men are men. And whilst I was looking to lose my MARGINITY and wanted some fun, the direct, one-night-only hook-up wasn’t really for me.
Then, just as I was about to tear my hair out, Vincenzo got in touch.
Although he wasn’t my normal gorgeous, bearded type, I was attracted to his lovely warm smile, full lips—oh, and of course, the fact that he was Italian. Plus, I loved that his messages were respectful and attentive.
Through our frequent messages over the past few days, I’d learnt that he was thirty-seven, from Naples, had been living in London for five years, worked as a manager for a boutique hotel in Piccadilly, and loved wine, travelling and cooking. Crucially, he actually knew how to hold an online conversation. This was rarer than you might think as many of the conversations I had attempted to have on all three of these dating apps often went a little something like:
First contact
Them:Hey beautiful
Me:Hello, how are you?
(Yes, yes, ignore the fact that I’d responded to someone who had started the conversation withhey beautiful. I was trying to keep an open mind and not be so rigid. Don’t judge…)
One day later…
Them:Good thx, u?
Me:Great, thanks. Whereabouts in London do you live?
The following day…
Them:Ealing. u?
Me:Clapham. What do you do for a living?
Two days later…
Them:Work in a bar. u?
Me:Marketing. What do you like doing for fun?
After yet another 24-hour wait…
Them:watching films, going out with friends, sex…
Them:Where do you live?
Me:Noticed how you casually dropped the ‘sex’ in there…
Me:I did actually already mention where I lived…
What feels like ten years later
Them:
He he!
Them:oh yeah!
