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Chapter Twenty-Eight
So today marked day five of my new phase of online dating. It also showed that I was continuing to be brave and throw caution to the wind, as not only was I currently on my way to my first non-Tinder date, but said date had been arranged just ninety minutes ago. How’sthatfor being spontaneous and grabbing life by the balls?
I could have very easily stayed at the office or curled up with my iPad in bed, looking over the team’s plans for Anoushka’s campaign, which is what hadalmosthappened when I’d arrived home at 7.40 p.m. and found myself bored out of my mind by 8 p.m. But then Vincenzo had messaged to say he’d finished work earlier than expected and wondered if I wanted to meet for a drink. And like the spontaneous, social butterfly that I was (well, outside of work I clearly wasn’t, but I wastryingto be…), I remembered my MAP plan and said yes.
So here I was. It was 9.55 p.m. on a Friday night, and after throwing on a body-hugging sleeveless navy dress and some nude heels, quickly adding some loose waves in my hair, then swiping on some red lipstick in the back of the cab, I was now hovering inside the WH Smith’s at Waterloo, waiting to spot Vincenzo, the guy I’ve been messaging for the past three days.
Since speaking to Roxy on Monday about keeping my options open, I was now managing three apps: Tinder, Match.com and Bumble. I was excited to try Bumble as it’s touted as the one that allows women to ‘take control’, so I made a beeline (ahem) for that first. Once I’d uploaded my pics, then copied and pasted the profile I’d used previously on Tinder, I’d started swiping immediately and could not believe the calibre of men. It was incredible.
Whilst on Tinder, I’d be lucky to swipe right for one guy in every hundred (I know, very picky), on Bumble, I found myself liking literally every third guy. And it wasn’t just for purely shallow reasons (although hello? The men here all seemed to be stunning specimens). The guys also sounded fascinating. There were company founders, directors, musicians, actors, scientists…wow.
Just like when I’d first started using Tinder, the swiping was addictive. Plus, if you swiped left too hastily, Bumble also allowed you to backtrack three times for free. Once I’d matched with someone, I was then able to message them and take control. Yes!Here we go, I thought. No more waiting around for them to make the first move.I, Sophia Huntingdon, am in the driver’s seat now. And because each match expired in twenty-four hours, there was a speedy turnaround too.
I quickly matched with a gorgeous Italian (I know, I know) who loved food, films and music. Sounded perfect. I couldn’t wait to craft my message:
Ciao, Pierluigi, come sta? I also enjoy good company, conversation, films, music and Italy (I’ve been twice in the last few months). If you fancy chatting/meeting, then drop me a line.
Nice, enthusiastic, light and not too long. Great.
And then it happened…
Nothing.
Rien.
Twenty-four hours passed and no reply. After this happened a few times, I quickly realised that whilst, yes, as a woman you do have the so-called ‘power’ to be the one to message first (which, let’s face it, you could also do on Tinder if you chose to), as with any conversation, it still takes two to tango. Thus, it doesn’t eliminate the fact that you still need to wait for the man to make contact by replying.
After a day or so, I did start to get some messages. And once again, it didn’t take me long to see that just because you messaged them first, even if theydidreply, it didn’t stop the responses from being overtly sexual. For example, the response to‘Hello, Nathan, how are you?’was‘You are sexy, I want to lick you.’Okay, then… At that point, I decided it was time to try Match.com.
As it was a paid site and required you to fill out an extensive list of questions about yourself, your hobbies and the kind of guy you were looking for, I hoped it would attract a moreseriousclientele. After all, if you just wanted a quick shag, you probably wouldn’t want to sit there answering questions about your religion and how important marriage was to you. Right?
I signed up for six months, which I thought demonstrated my commitment to the cause and recognition that I wasn’t expecting to find ‘the one’ overnight. I uploaded the photos I’d used on Tinder as well as a couple of extras, diligently completed the questionnaire and was ready to go.
Initially, I was bowled over by the hundreds of favourites, winks and views I’d received within the first twenty-four hours of joining, but then my fast lesson was that quantity does not always equate to ‘quality’—i.e., someone that you personally feel ticks your boxes.
I’d also received about thirty messages from guys of all ages, including Connor, aged twenty-one (whose message read:‘Hey, age is just a number, right?’) and Reginald, aged seventy-two (yes, really—despite setting my parameters to ages thirty to forty-five). What was also interesting about the messages was that, whilst many were short, others went in completely the opposite direction by sending full-blown covering letters.
For example, ‘Theperfectguy’ (oh, that’s another thing about this site, people can give themselves silly usernames), who revealed himself to be Roger, aged forty-three, clearly put a lot of effort into applying for the position of ‘potential boyfriend’:
Hi, Thea,
I have just come across your profile and I would love to get to know you.
Unfortunately my membership expires tomorrow and I do not plan to extend it.
If you would like to get to know me, you can contact me either via email at:
[emailprotected]or call/text my mobile/whatsapp at 07001 222 313
As I am leaving this site and I would love to get to know you, let me disclose more about me in case you would wish to contact me in the future. My full name is Roger Green. You can find me on different social media sites including Facebook and LinkedIn. Please feel free to connect with me. If interested in what I do professionally, you can visit my website at www.rogergreen.com
If I do not hear from you, I wish you all the very best in your search for true love and happiness.
Roger
Well, he’d certainly supplied a sufficient number of ‘references’ to verify his suitability for the position. It was so polite, I was almost tempted to reply, but as I wasn’t attracted to him, it would be fruitless. I also found it hilarious that two days later, I spotted the green dot on his Match.com profile, indicating that he was online. So much for that expiring membership!
As well as the polite covering letter, just like Tinder and Bumble, there were the sexual messages:
