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ChapterSixteen
WADE
Every once ina while I wake up and just know it’s going to be a shitty day. Today, a fucking Tuesday, is one of those days. I didn’t sleep well. My fight with Bernadette left me angry and unsettled, and I tossed and turned all night. Worst of all, I woke up with a massive headache.
So tired, hurting, and grumpy does not make for a great start of the day. Tuesdays are busy days for me. Work is starting to pick up; plus, I recently took on a beginners’ class at Squeaky Bum in the evening. Since I’m slow moving this morning, I know I’ll need more time in the office—if I can kick this ache in my brain. I shoot Luke a text.
Me: Not feeling good today. Won’t be able to come in tonight.
Luke: Don’t be a pussy.
Me: Fuck you.
Luke: Ha! You canceled on me Saturday too, man. I’m starting to get the feeling you don’t love me anymore.
Me:
Luke: Damn, messaged received.
Luke: I got you, bro. Don’t worry about the class.
Me: Thanks.
Since I started out helping at the facility, I’ve hardly ever canceled on any classes. I feel bad about it. I just have this feeling in my gut that today is going to be a rough day. I need to talk to Bernadette. I texted her last night. I look at my phone and see that she never replied.
I really fucked this whole thing up. I let my cowardliness hurt the woman I care deeply for. And it’s not okay.
I lean forward, and my elbows rest on my knees as I sit on the side of my bed.
Fuck. I need to fix this.
I’m going to come clean to Dex. Tell him that Bernadette and I were seeing each other, but I fucked it up, and while I hope I can mend things, I want him to know anyway. I’m done hiding. It wasn’t fair to her, and it’s not fair to me. Because I would love nothing more than to touch her when I want, no matter who’s around. Being around her when we’re in the group is nearly unbearable. I know I come across as a cold asshole, but I want so badly to reach out and grab her hand or pull her into me. When I see her, I want to kiss her. It’s become easier to just avoid group hangouts completely, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to get out of camping.
Dex and I had been talking about going camping for a while, so when he texted me Friday and said they were planning a trip to The Dunes, I asked who was going. He replied, “Everyone.”
I wanted to say no. It would be a shit-long amount of time to hide my desire for her. I told him I had to see what I could get done with work. That I had been planning on working Saturday.
About an hour later, my mind was made up when I got a text from whom I thought was Link. He was checking that I had extra gear, because Bernie didn’t have any of her own. I confirmed that I had an extra sleeping bag, and there was a small one-person tent in the hall closet in the apartment. He then responded, “If the tent happened to have a hole in it, would you be willing to share a tent?” That question was followed by a winky face. Which threw me off, because Link would never send me a winky emoji. I should have clued in then and there that it was Ruby. I realize now that she either suspected something had been going on between me and Bernadette, or she was up to no good. I’ve known since the day I told Bernadette we couldn’t be anything more than friends that she still harbored a crush on me, so it’s not a stretch to think that Ruby was aware of our hiding.
It’s been fucking hard to ignore to ignore my feelings over the years, but I had a promise to keep. When she started dating some guy named Hugh, it about gutted me, but it was for the best. That meant we could move on, as only friends. That was the way it had to be. But eventually, that relationship ended, and I continued to date around, never fully finding a woman I could see a future with.
I knew Ruby was cunning, but I didn’t realize she was willing to lie and claim the tent, which I knew for a fact didn’t have a hole in it, just to push the two of us together. Like hell was I going to let Matt get Bernadette alone in his tent!
I push up on my bed, my head pounding. My room isn’t huge, but my bed, dresser, and small desk fit perfectly inside. I yank open the dresser drawer and pull out a T-shirt. I never know which girlfriend will be here, so I try not to walk around in just my boxers. After pulling the tee over my head, I snag a pair of gym shorts. Medicine first, shower, then work.
It’s early enough that the guys, if they slept in their own beds, are probably still passed out.
Feeling like I’m nursing a hangover, I slowly make my way down the hall and into the bathroom. I open up the cabinet, where someone, I’m guessing one of the girls, has created a system of plastic containers with medicine and other toiletries. Cause fuck if a dude would be this organized.
I find the Advil, turn on the sink, cup my hand under the water, and gulp down the water and pills. I brush my teeth, and with a bottle of water next on my list to grab, I leave the bathroom. I’m surprised when I see both Link and Simon sitting on the couch.
They don’t notice me right way; they’re deep in conversation. But when I hear them mention Bernadette, my ears perk up. They probably all know about our fight and are ready with the pitchforks.
I don’t get far into the kitchen when Simon addresses me. “Hey, you talk to Bernie?”
I swallow. Here it comes. “Uh, no,” I mutter, twisting open the cap of the water.
“Shit. So you haven’t heard?” His voice is laced with concern. Immediately, a wave of panic crawls up my chest.
