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Don’t Get Covered in Sheep Poo
Amy’s car was fully loaded, leaving only a small space for Harry to fit in amongst the piles of damp bedding.
‘Can me and Olly and say goodbye to my den?’ he asked hopefully. ‘You can help him with his van if you like.’ He gestured in the vague direction of the campervan, where Matt was securing the awning to the roof-rack with some sturdy elastic luggage straps. The sun beat down brightly now, the storm of last night totally forgotten, but there was a damp smell in the air which reminded Amy autumn was on the way. It was high summer now, but before they knew it the holidays would be over and school would be starting again.
‘Go on, then,’ she said, ‘but mind you don’t …’ They were away down the field before she could add get covered in sheep poo.
She crossed over to the campervan, where Matt was fixing the last hook firmly into place.
‘All done,’ he said, grinning down as he jumped down from the open doorway of the van. ‘Ready to go. Where are the boys?’
‘Down at the stream. I didn’t see any harm in it.’
‘They’re going to come back covered in poo again, aren’t they?’
‘Probably. You don’t mind, do you?’
‘No!’ he said, laughing. ‘I’d much rather they were enjoying themselves outside in the fresh air than worrying about keeping clean. Oliver can always sit on some of the bedding on the way home, then I can wash it much easier than the van seat covers!
‘I was thinking, Matt, would you like me to make you and Olly some blankets for the campervan? I don’t want to rush you, or suggest anything that might make either of you awkward, but if Olly would like I could make him something special, to remember his mum. I can incorporate favourite bits of clothing, favourite colours … anything he would like.’
Matt took a moment before he replied.
‘I think he’d love that. He’d love it if I had one too. You wouldn’t find it too weird?’ he looked at her.
‘Don’t be daft. Of course I wouldn’t.’
‘Have you ever thought of selling blankets like that? I’m sure people would be prepared to pay you to make them, you know,’ Matt suggested as he gave a final tug on the elastic ropes, checking everything was secure.
‘I’d never thought about it. I might look into it when we get home. It’ll give me something to work on over the next couple of weeks when Harry’s away with his dad and Laurie. It’s very quiet in the evenings when he’s not around!’
‘I bet it is!’ He sat down on the step of the van, in the sunshine, and she sat down beside him, both of them looking up the camping field towards the old farmhouse, and up the valley beyond. A light breeze played with their hair, but nothing like the strength the wind had at midnight. Matt took a deep breath, and she knew he wanted to talk about what happened — what hadn’t happened — last night.
‘Look, Amy, about last night. I’m sorry things ended the way they did.’ He sat rigid, his back tense, his hands locked together in front of him, as if concentrating hard on the mountains at the head of the valley. ‘I would have liked … oh God, I’m not saying this right. I wanted to … no, that sounds as if … I wish, yes, that’s more like it, I wish we had been able to …’ He didn’t seem sure how to phrase what he wanted to say, so he drifted into an awkward silence. Amy took up where he had left off.
‘I wish we had been able to, but I’m glad we didn’t.’ It would have been a mistake if they’d gone further than that kiss last night. It had been frustrating at the time, but she was relieved they’d been interrupted before things had gone any further. It hadn’t been the right time or the right place. Maybe it was their only chance and one day she would regret they’d missed their moment. Maybe things between them would always be difficult. Maybe Oliver would never come round to the idea of them being together, or the boys would drive them apart — like she’d done to her mother and Peter.
There was no way of knowing what would happen in the future, but she was glad they hadn’t rushed into something. ‘We should wait for the right time and the right place.’
‘I’m so glad you said that!’ he said, turning back towards her, untwisting his hands. ‘I want us to get this right, for all of us. You, me, Olly and Harry. I don’t want only what we can have now, I want this to be more than that, which means —’
‘That means waiting until we’re all ready. Not sneaking around in corners, when the boys aren’t looking. That’s what caused the trouble that day in the cottage, and I think that’s why I was so wary of Peter back when I was young. There was something going on I didn’t understand, and I resented it. Maybe if they hadn’t tried to hide how they felt, and I’d known what was happening, it might have been different?’ Amy suggested, looking up the valley towards the little cottage and to Loverswater in the distance, hidden from them by the rocks on the lower slopes of Elder Fell.
‘Yes. That’s exactly what I wanted to say. We’ve got to do this properly, or not at all. We shouldn’t have to choose. There must be a way we can put the boys first, but still have a chance to be together.’
‘If it means we have to wait, that’s what we’ll do. I want this — you and me — to be right for all of us. It won’t be today, and maybe it won’t be tomorrow, but it will come right, all in good time.’
Another of her mother’s old phrases. All in good time, Amy, all in good time, she used to say. Good things come to those who wait.
But they hadn’t come to her mam. She had wanted this, all of this, the mountains around her, the fells, the tarn, the farm … and Peter … but she’d given up, gone home and left Elder Fell Farm behind her, forever.
‘I wonder what it might have been like if my mam had got together with Peter?’ she said, turning back to Matt, who was himself watching a tiny, white waterfall high up on one of the mountains, tumbling down over the rocks. ‘Maybe there would have been problems, and maybe it would have been difficult, but there would have been good things too. She shouldn’t have given up on her dreams for me, she should have shared them with me. I feel almost … cheated … she kept such an important part of her life secret from me. I don’t want to be like that with Harry.’
‘I know. Me neither.’
‘Imagine living here instead of boring old Saddleton?’ she said, looking around her at the encircling fells. ‘Mam would have been so happy here. If she’d stayed maybe things would be different and she’d still be alive.’ She imagined her mam, following the river of sheep down the fells like she’d done all those years ago, but older, wiser, having grown to be almost a part of the landscape, like Mrs. Thompson.
‘You can’t change the past. Don’t go there. Other things might be different too. There would have been no James, and no Harry. I’m sure your mam wouldn’t have traded Harry for anything.’
