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‘There is that. If I’d lived here, perhaps you and I might never have met,’ she said, looking up almost shyly at him.
‘But then again, perhaps we’d have met this summer, when I arrived on your campsite with a red-and-white campervan!’ he joked.
‘I suppose! But without the boys, would we have had anything in common to bring us together? You’re right, though. There’s no point in thinking about what might have been. Mam’s gone, and nothing will bring her back.’ She wished so much she could have brought her back here, for one more time. Suddenly a thought struck her. It wasn’t too late after all.
‘Matt, I’ve thought of something I can do. Mam might not have been able to live here with Peter when she was alive, but I’ve still got her ashes. I didn’t know what to do with them, but I do now. I’m going to bring her here, and scatter her ashes on the tarn. I think she would have wanted … it seems like the right thing to …’
The tears welling up in her throat made it difficult to finish the sentence. Matt reached into the van handed her a tissue from the box he kept in the glove compartment. Beyond the point of artistically wiping away a sentimental tear, she gave her nose a good hard blow.
‘I think that sounds like a very fitting place for her,’ he said. ‘I wish I’d known your mam. She must have been a very special woman.’
‘She was, and perhaps this is her last gift to me. We can learn from her mistakes, like Peter said. I’m not going to shut life out for the sake of Harry and Olly. We should let life in for their sake as well as ours. Even if it takes a long time for them to accept it.’
‘I can wait,’ he said.
‘We can wait. I believe it will be something worth waiting for!’ The sun was warm on her face, as if the valley itself was embracing her in the warmth of the summer — only five days too late to make it the blazing hot summer holiday she’d hoped for.
‘And in the meanwhile, we help them to get used to the idea. No lies and no hiding things. I think in time Olly will come round.’
‘Perhaps if he comes to see me as just me. Harry’s mum, your friend, and then gradually perhaps more … not a threat to how he feels about his mum. We’ll find a way to help him.’
‘We can only try, though it might take a very long time. Olly’s stubborn — like Stella was — and once he’s made up his mind about something, it takes a lot to change it. But we’ll get there.’
They grinned at each other, like a couple of teenage sweethearts heading out for the school prom, as the sounds of the boys playing in the den could be heard on the morning air behind them.
‘They sound overexcited,’ Amy said.
‘They’ll be tired after a disturbed night. We’d better get on the road, perhaps. I don’t want the holiday to end with the two of them fighting.’
‘Definitely not!’ Amy agreed.
‘We’re meant to be off the site by eleven,’ Matt said, checking the time on his phone, ‘and it’s quarter to now.’
They stood up, and looked down the gentle slope of the campsite towards the beck. There, in amongst the tree roots were Olly and Harry, hands and knees covered in sheep poo.
‘Come on boys. Wash your hands and then we’ll be on our way!’ Amy shouted down to them.
‘Do we have to wash our hands?’ Harry called back.
‘Yes, you do!’ Matt said firmly, and Harry pulled a face, but the boys went to wash their hands anyway. She didn’t dare to look too closely at the state of their fingernails when they got back. Harry was going to his dad’s house when they got home; grimy fingernails could be James’s problem.
‘All packed up and ready to go?’ said a voice from behind them. Mrs. Thompson had been checking around the campsite after the storm, loyal Jen at her heels.
‘That’s right,’ Amy said, regretfully. ‘Is Peter around, today? I’d quite like to have a quick word with him.’
‘Nay, lass, he’s off shearing. He’ll be out all day.’
She remembered he’d mentioned it yesterday. It didn’t matter what happened, storms, broken hearts, drowned lovers; the rhythm of life on a hill farm never varied.
‘I wanted to tell him, I was thinking, maybe, if you don’t mind, I’d like to bring mam’s ashes back here, to Loverswater. I think it’s where she belongs. Perhaps you could tell him for me?’
Mrs. Thompson nodded. ‘Ay. Mebbe you’re right. I’ll tell him, when he gets in. Won’t be ‘til late, like. Them Australian lads are here for a couple o’ days, and they shear like the devil all day, and drink like the devil all night! But he’d like that, I think. Never forgot your mam, dear me, no.’ She looked up to the hills, narrowing her eyes as she looked up to the bright sky above them, and maybe it wasn’t only the brightness which was causing her to blink so rapidly. ‘But best get off. You’ve a fair way to go.’
‘We have,’ Matt said, taking the van key from his pocket.
‘Perhaps you’ll be back again, then, lads?’ she asked the boys.
‘Yeah!’ Harry was full of enthusiasm. ‘Best. Holiday. Ever!’
