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LUCA
The ring in my pocket felt cool against my skin. I had meant to give it to Becka— wanted to give it to her— but after our conversation I thought better of it. She deserved something better than a ring being thrust at her before the sting of our battle dissipated. I should have guessed what the outcome of the conversation would be, but it had been necessary.
When she told me her three rules for our marriage, I didn’t want to respond. They were all requests that proved she wanted something real, and I wanted to give her those things.
But I couldn’t give her the upper hand by hearing me say it. If there was one thing Becka and I agreed on is that trust is earned, not given. And actions speak louder than words. As much as I wanted to, I didn’t trust her yet. She was still human, if she saw me as weak, she might try to take advantage. If she showed me that she could obey my rules then I would let my guard down. I found myself all too often fighting them to stay up where she was involved.
As I waited in the foyer for her to come down, I considered the fact that maybe it was for the best I didn’t give her the ring yet. We still had a week of activities and the wedding, where we would be surrounded by people. And people always ask questions. For us to show up with rings on our fingers after only just having met, it would be a nightmare to hide the truth without getting the lies mixed up. The men had already been ordered to keep their mouth shut about it. So, maybe the best thing to do was wait until after the wedding.
Footsteps echoed down the staircase. I turned to see Becka approaching, her eyes searching. “Where’s Arianna?”
“Her and Matteo are having a… talk.” I winced, thinking how Matteo always hated having to stifle Arianna’s spirit for the sake of appearances.
Becka’s face paled, eyes going wide. “He’s not going to hurt her is he? The food fight was my fault. I’ll take the punishment. Whatever it is.” Her words were rushed and desperate. She looked ready to bolt back up the stairs.
I couldn’t stop my smile at her misunderstanding. “No. The man would sooner hurt himself than that girl. She is his queen,” I assured her. Becka’s concern for Arianna and willingness to take punishment for her was admirable. Something I’d rarely seen in my life. Her loyalty was boundless to the ones she loved.
Will that include me one day? Probably not.
How could she ever dare to love a man like me?
Her shoulders relaxed but she was sad. “I wanted to say goodbye.”
“Hey. You will see each other again soon. Ok?”
She nodded taking another look up the stairs, as if maybe she would get lucky enough to catch Arianna coming down.
“Come,” I said gently and motioned to the front door. On the outside I was calm and collected as always, but on the inside my heart raced. A tingling thrill ran up my spine. Excitement. Squaring my shoulders I smothered the sensation down the best I could, feeling that annoying tug of my inability to control my emotions.
Becka moved ahead of me out the door towards my car. I opened the door of my gun-metal gray, Ferrari FF for her, while James put her bag in the second vehicle. She eyed the car in wonder. Then hesitated before taking the passenger seat. Becka stared into the car like she was going to be stepping into an abyss. Her palms brushed against her jeans and her throat bobbed. She looked scared out of her mind.
I reached out and placed a hand on the small of her back, then gave an encouraging nudge.
After a deep breath in through her nose she slowly settled into the seat. I closed the door, rounded the hood and climbed in. The engine roared to life, rumbling beneath our feet as we sped down the driveway.
Becka turned in her seat to watch the house disappear down the driveway, then shrunk down into the cushion. Her shoulders scrunched as she clung to her violin case similar to a warrior holding his shield on the battlefield. I could see she was terrified, no matter how stoic her face remained.
Fear hung thick as mist in the air. She was strong but not having control of anything going on around you is an animal like no other. The unknown is even worse.
Guilt took hold of me. Our talk in the office had been a shit way to start a marriage or any form of relationship. Then I’d walked out on her like an asshole, when I had a real chance to give her some peace of mind. I let my own ego and inability to show vulnerability stop me from making real progress with Becka. A good man would have given her what she needed.
But I am not a good man.
My bitterness reared its ugly head. No, not a good man and I didn’t deserve any real feelings from her. She lusted for me, yes. It was evident every time we were close. But lust and real affection are two totally different things. As much as I couldn’t stop thinking about the one, I wanted the other so much more.
I glanced over to watch her squirm in her seat, crushing her thighs together, her face gone pale. She looked sick to her stomach. It dawned on me that Becka was probably thinking about the worst things that could possibly happen once I got her in a house alone. Even though I hadn’t tried to hurt her or force myself on her, she really knew nothing about me. There was no trust established yet. And the idea that she might be thinking about the possibility of me raping her was a hot knife to my gut.
She looked almost as dejected as she did in Matteo’s office when she had mentioned experiencing darkness before. What awful things had she endured that could bring her defenses down in an instant? An abusive ex? Abusive parents? Had she been attacked and…
I couldn’t finish the thought, or I was going to puke on my dash.
“Becka.” She didn’t turn, just watched the trees and hills out the window fly by. “Becka, look at me,” I asked softly.
Her face turned, dark green eyes stared back. I knew this road like the back of my hand, so when she focused on me I didn’t look away.
“I am not going to hurt you.”
Her eyes locked with mine as we flew down the road. She was trying to gage my truth and there was no way in hell I would turn away. Her body uncoiled itself a little as she nodded her understanding, then returned her attention to the countryside.
