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BECKA
Rummaging through the cupboards, drinking my second cup of coffee I searched for ingredients to pancakes. My hair lay damp and cool down my back from the shower making me hug my steaming mug closer.
I’d woken up starving, thinking pancakes sounded amazing. Refusing to let the events of the last twenty-four hours steal any more of my life, I wouldn’t ignore my appetite. It was done and over. I wasn’t giving it power over me by lingering on it. I was safe and except for a few mental scars, unharmed.
Luca held me tightly until I floated away into a dreamless sleep. When I woke alone it was the most empty feeling I had ever experienced. The absence of his touch, the weight of him pressed against me, his breath on the back of my neck. Most of all I missed his heat. I tried taking a hot shower to warm up, but it was nothing compared to the way his warmth had seeped into my marrow the previous night.
After the shower I went to the kitchen hoping to find Luca around every corner, with no luck. My heart sank. Disappointed, I got busy making coffee and pancakes.
“Hey.”
I jumped, almost spilling my coffee when Luca’s voice came from the back door. Turing to find him enticingly sweaty, his muscles pumped from his workout I swallowed hard. My mouth went dry at the sight of his gloriously ripped arms stretching the fabric. He must have worked out shirtless because the fabric wasn’t soaked. I suddenly wished to have been a fly on the wall in the gym.
I cleared my throat trying not to look too obvious that I was checking him out. “Good morning.”
“Good morning? It’s almost noon.” He teased with a grin, but there was speculation in his eyes.
“It still feels like morning.”
His smile faded. “How did you sleep?”
“Ok,” I shrugged. Biting my lip my gaze hit the floor. “Thank you by the way. For last night. I know that was asking a lot of you considering the things you told me about…”
“Becka,” he interrupted. I looked at him, he met my eyes, shoving his hands in the pockets of his gym shorts and cleared his throat. “I had no problem with last night. Despite how much I want you, giving you what you needed gave me as much pleasure as it did you.”
My head ducked again at his sweet confession, hoping he wouldn’t see my cheeks heating. Then I looked to the counter. “I’m making pancakes. Would you like some?”
“Are you going to poison them?”
I whirled back on him. What the actual fuck? “Excuse me?” I asked, shocked and hurt. “Why would you say that?”
Luca scrubbed his hand through his hair, looking frustrated. “Fuck. I’m sorry. You are just being so casual. I have a hard time believing you can even look at me after what happened last night.” He shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “Even though you needed me to hold you, I thought you would change your mind about forgiving me this morning. I know I don’t deserve it.”
It broke my heart to see how much those words affected him.
Closing the distance between us I placed my timid hands on his chest, peering up at him. Nervous about initiating touch if he was the kind of person who didn’t appreciate it when flustered. But also hoping me showing that I wasn’t afraid to touch him would be reassuring. I could feel his sweat and heat on my palms through the thin material of his shirt.
He stood stock still, his breathing escalated, eyes unsure.
Holding his gaze I filled mine with all the honesty I could convey. “Luca. I know what happened last night was out of both our control. Yes, it hurt me, terrified me.” The admittance almost tripped me up. “Just not the way you think. I said I forgive you and I meant it. I would never say it otherwise. And now that I have, it’s over. We never need to talk about it again.”
His gaze flicked across my face several times. His brows scrunched together in confusion. He looked as if he thought I was going to sprout horns of grow another head.
Placing his hands on my hips he asked, “Do you understand the kind of man you are saying that to? The things I have done, Becka. The things I will do because of who I am.”
There was something in his tone I couldn’t discern. It was hard and yet desperate.
“I’m your wife Luca. I can tell you I will never be ok with what you do, ever. But that doesn’t change the fact that I want to be a good wife. It’s not in me not to try. It’s the way I’m built. And, the feelings I have for you Luca are real.” My hand went to his handsome face covered in stubble. He stiffened I when stroked his jaw while his eyes searched mine.
Twice now I’d made a confession about having true feelings for him, but he wasn’t saying them back. I was taking big risks and receiving little reward. Is it still just about lust for him? My heart pinched at the thought.
Not able to stand under his silent regard any longer I backed away, stepping up to the counter. “Now, go take a shower. I will have pancakes ready by the time you get out. If I’m not here when you get back, they will be in the microwave. I have to get ready for the party.”
“What party?”
“The one at Arianna’s parents’ house. For all the family from out of the country. They thought it would be nice for everyone to gather for more than just the wedding, since Arianna didn’t want a rehearsal dinner.”
Luca growled deep in his throat, running a hand through his damp hair in annoyance. “I forgot.”
