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Her mother closed her eyes, breathed in and out as she absorbed the blow. Then she looked at Sienna with such sadness and pain that it cracked the wall Sienna had built.
“It might seem like that,” her mother said. “Not exactly the first night, but there was an immediate connection. I just knew. And he knew. And when it happened, it was the most beautiful night of my life.” She held Sienna’s gaze. “I’m never leaving him again.”
Yet she was on a flight back home, and that man was still on Santorini. Yet Sienna knew what her mother meant, and the words stole her breath. “He feels the same?”
Her mother nodded. “I never felt that way about Donald. I never stopped feeling that way about Xandros. But when I found out I was pregnant with you, all my terrible fears came back. I listened to my mother tell me he was a beach bum, and there was absolutely no way he was going to want a baby, and the best thing to do was let Donald think you were his.”
Sienna recoiled. “And now you’re blaming Nonni?”
Her mother shook her head. “I’m not blaming her. She thought she was doing the best thing. I blame myself for being so weak.”
“But you both cooked up this lie for my father.” Really, what else was she going to call Donald Walker? He’d been her father for thirty years. She couldn’t shake that off so easily, even if she was angry with him.
“That’s exactly what I did,” her mother admitted solemnly. “I duped him. And I’ve been paying for that lie ever since. Now I’ve made you pay as well. And I am so, so sorry.”
“Why didn’t you just get an abortion?”
The gasp out of her mother’s mouth drew stares from all directions. The horror in her eyes was unmistakable. “I wanted you with all my heart.”
Did that actually make a difference? Sienna didn’t know what to think, what to say. How did you live with a thirty-year-old lie? How could she ever forgive that lie? “You’ve stolen my father. He and I have our issues, absolutely, but now I have no one.”
Her mother had the gall to say, “You have me. You have Aunt Teresa and Matthew, your cousins, your uncle, Nonni and Poppa. You have so much. All you’re losing is Donald.”
She said it as if Donald Walker meant nothing.
“He figured it out when I had that fall, didn’t he?”
“Yes.”
“They needed blood, and he didn’t match.”
Her mother nodded.
“That’s what Carter thought. Because everything changed after that.”
“That’s when I ruined your life. He punished me, but he also punished you. And he’s still threatening to tell you and Matthew. I wanted you to come with me on this trip so I could tell you first, before he told you in some horrible way.”
“But you never banked on Xandros showing up again.”
She shook her head. “I never dreamed of that.”
“But you must have seen every single day how much I look like him.”
“I did. And I saw how Donald always made you feel unwanted. I will live with the pain of that forever. And yet it made you the strong woman you are, a woman who knows her own mind and what she wants to do.”
“Strong?” Sienna laughed. “Every day I’m second best.”
Her mother rubbed her palm around Sienna’s fisted hand. “You’re the strongest woman I know. You’ve done so much. Look at all the elderly people who depend on you to make their golden years the best they can be.”
“But I’ve never been strong enough to let a man into my life. I’ve been afraid of relationships.”
Her mother wagged her head sadly. “I’m to blame for that. But I look at you and Carter, and I know you have the strength to let him in if you really want to.”
Did she have the strength? Sienna wasn’t sure. She’d push him away eventually, the way she’d always done. Afraid he’d leave her, she’d leave him first.
“He won’t let you push him away.”
Suddenly, as if someone had slapped her face without warning, she couldn’t take anymore. She couldn’t let her mother spin this fairytale of who she thought Sienna was. “You don’t know me at all.” That was partly her fault, but her mother’s lie had started it all. “I’ve listened to your story, your explanation, but it doesn’t change anything. I am who I am, and you are who you are, and Donald Walker isn’t my father. It doesn’t change my life. But at least I know. And you’re free. He can’t hold anything over you anymore. Except Matthew. Do you want me to tell him for you?”
It was a stab, she knew, and she wanted to hurt her mother, as terrible as that was. She wanted her mother to feel the same pain she did.
Yet all Mother did was shake her head. “It’s my duty to tell him.”
“Good. Let me know as soon as you have. When he needs a shoulder to cry on, I’ll be there for him.” It was another cruel jab, and she actually hated herself for it. But she didn’t take it back. “Now, I’m going back to Carter. I need to think this through. Please don’t bother me for the rest of the flight.” She almost added, and never bother me again.
But even in this mood, she couldn’t be that brutal.
Maybe it was because her mother had said she’d wanted Sienna with all her heart.
