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But that was just delaying the inevitable. Procrastinating had never made things easier. It only complicated everything.
She let her mother open the discussion. “There’s a small bar area up front. We could have a drink.” Then she added, after a beat of hesitation, “And talk.”
Carter squeezed Sienna’s hand, saying softly, “I support whatever you’d like to do.”
Suddenly Sienna didn’t want to wait. This needed to be done, then she’d never have to speak to her mom again. Stepping past Carter into the aisle, she was inches taller than her mother. And only an inch shorter than Donald Walker. Their relative heights had never been an issue before, but now it reminded her how tall that man was. How she probably took after him.
“I’ll talk,” she said, trying to sound unaffected.
“Thank you.” Her mother turned and led her to the bar where a couple of guys had taken seats. Her mom sat in one of the remaining two.
The bartender brought two glasses of champagne, and Sienna wondered why he thought they had something to celebrate.
Her mother fortified herself with a sip. “I can’t explain away what I did all those years ago, all the lies I’ve told. But this trip was about telling you the truth. Even as late as it is.”
Sienna gulped the champagne. Not because she wanted it, but because she needed it. “So you planned to let me see him and figure it out. And then you wouldn’t have to say it aloud?”
Her mother stiffened. “The last thing I expected was to see Xandros again.” She took a breath, as if the truth she planned to tell had stolen it. “I don’t expect you to understand or forgive me. But you deserve to know what happened. I should’ve told you years ago. And I should never have married your father.”
Sienna cut her off. “But he’s not my father.”
Her mother swallowed, pressed her lips together, breathed in deeply. And started again.
“No, he’s not. I made so many mistakes. And the biggest one was letting you live your whole life with a lie.” She waited then, as if she needed permission to go on.
Sienna finally nodded. “All right, give me your spiel.” The word was nasty, so was her tone, and she felt nasty. Yet she fell into her mother’s tale.
“I met Donald at college. He was a senior, I was a sophomore. He was rich and everything I was supposed to marry. His father ran the premier investment house in the city. They were San Francisco elite, and that’s what Nonni thought I needed.”
Sienna choked out a laugh. “This wasn’t a hundred years ago when women had to marry a rich man because their parents wanted them to be taken care of. It was the nineties, and you had a college degree.”
“I know.” Her mother nodded, closing her eyes briefly. “I was never like you. I wasn’t a strong person. My mother thought teaching was an acceptable career until I got married. And I just did it.” She rubbed her temples, then slid her fingers across her lids as if her eyes ached. “But you’re strong, and I’m so proud of you. I never wanted to tell you what to do with your life. You needed to figure it out on your own. I didn’t want you to be weak like me.”
Her mother was wrong. Sienna wasn’t strong. She worried all the time, fearful of the future, afraid of failure. She didn’t have relationships, not because of her career the way she told everyone—and even herself—but because she was afraid of rejection. But she’d made sure no one ever knew any of that.
“Go on, she said.
“Donald and I were engaged, but I wanted one last thing of my own before I got married. A trip, something amazing. Something without Nonni hanging over me. She wanted Teresa to go, but your aunt had met your uncle, and she didn’t want to leave. And I wanted to do this on my own. I wanted to prove something to myself.”
Sienna could understand that. It was another reason she didn’t want to work for her… for Donald Walker.
“I met Xandros on the tour. He was…” She shrugged, as if she couldn’t find words to describe what she’d felt.
Sienna wondered if it was the same way she felt about Carter. That he was solid and brought her comfort, that he made her feel strong despite all her doubts.
“I just fell, hard, and there was nothing else but him. I planned to go back to him. When I got home, I was going to tell Donald I couldn’t marry him, that I wouldn’t fall in line with my mother’s plans. I felt strong for the first time in my life.”
As her mother relived the decision she’d made, Sienna saw her strength in a way she never had. “Why didn’t you go back? In fact, why did you leave him at all? You could have sent your family an email, a text, called them, anything.”
Her mother laughed without humor. “Because it’s the kind of thing you tell people face to face. We didn’t have Skype or FaceTime or Zoom. And I didn’t want to start my new life being the weak person I’d always been.”
What was so bad about a phone call? Sienna didn’t get it. But she let her mother go on.
“Xandros and I agreed we’d meet each other at a special café on Santorini one year from the day I left. It was a kind of test for ourselves, to make sure what we felt was real. I already knew I’d never feel that way about Donald and that I couldn’t marry him.” She reached down to take Sienna’s hand, squeezing her fingers as if they were family instead of strangers.
“But the fear settled in as soon as I got back. My mother was so busy making wedding plans. I should never have gone home first. I should’ve gone straight to Donald and called off the wedding. And then—” She shrugged. “—I figured out I was pregnant. It must’ve happened so fast on Santorini.”
Sienna couldn’t help herself, as cruel as it was, as unfeeling, as horrible. “So you shacked up with your tour guide the first night?”
