AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“It certainly seemed to work when we made our announcement and every woman who had snubbed me instantly welcomed me again.”
He stared at me. “Yes, they accepted you, but that does not mean they did not talk about you when you left the room. The very reason we are not . . . that we have not . . . it is because you were made aware of the gossip.” He scoffed lightly and dragged a hand over his face. “You realize it is a struggle for me to stay away from you, yes? It is a difficulty I am bearing for the good of our names and your own opinion of yourself that I do not kiss you at every opportunity available to me. It is torment having you so near, and yet, such a great distance from me still. I agreed to a six month period of abstinence for us. For our children. For the Bradwell name.”
Elation and fury swept together like a raging storm and twisted in my stomach. I had thought James agreed to wait for me, so I might prove my good character, so I could live with myself. After residing in Chelton for weeks and enduring Lady Edith’s unending strictures on upholding the Bradwell name, it should have been more clear to me that James would be concerned for that as well. It was a blow to realize that he did not sacrifice wholly for me.
I stepped back, speaking with an icy accent that plagued my body as well as my words. “I had not realized that, no. Please accept my apologies.”
“You are offended.”
I turned away. “I am enlightened, rather.”
“No, do not do this.” He reached for my hand, but I did not allow him to take it. I would not permit him to ruin one of my most favorite things by dragging it into this distressing moment.
“I rather think I need to try and sleep, James.”
“What did I say to so wholly offend you?”
“It is not what you said. It is what I have discovered.” I walked back toward my bed.
He followed me. “If you do not tell me, I cannot know what I did. Speak to me, Liss. Do not run away.”
“I am not running—” But, I was. I closed my eyes and clenched my hands into fists. “My expectations for marriage were entirely wrong in every regard, James. Each of the things I had anticipated for my future turned out to be the opposite of what I anticipated. I pride myself on the deftness for which I have accepted each of these alterations and made the best of it, but I can only be expected to do so much before I need to remove myself from the situation for a time and breathe.”
“Remove yourself from which situation?” He paused. “Our marriage?”
“No, James, of course not. Remove myself from the presence of an overwhelming ball, for instance.” Remove myself from his mother. Remove myself from his bedroom.
I reached my bed and felt the gap between us lengthen, both physically and emotionally. I wanted to turn back and fall into his arms, but how could I do so after he professed his difficulty with that?
“Please do not turn away from me,” he pleaded.
“I do not see how we can sleep now, not after this discomfort.” I moved my hand between us to indicate the thick air so heavy with things unsaid and things laid bare.
“Please?” he asked. “I am afraid if you do not come tonight, that you will break the habit. We can work through the things that we disagree on, but we must always work together. We must make the conscious choice to not allow our disagreements to burden us. I do not want to be estranged from you, Liss.”
“I do not want that, either,” I whispered. But my mind was muddled. Through the fog and the insecurities plaguing me, I knew two things to be undeniable: I loved James, and he at least cared for me.
I lifted my hand toward him, and he crossed the space between us in three rapid steps. He took my hand and pulled me against him, healing some of the contention and fear that had begun to tear at my heart. My arms went around his back, and I leaned close, inhaling the spicy scent that was only his. James breathed deeply, pressing his cheek into the top of my head.
My body relaxed in his arms, my nerves loosening until my tightly wound fears unraveled like a spool of thread onto the carpeted floor.
“No plait tonight?” he asked, his fingers playing with the ends of my long hair.
“No plait.”
“I do like when your hair is let down.”
“I like when your cravat is missing.”
“I like how small your bare feet are.”
“I like the shape of your arms.”
James leaned back and looked at me, his eyebrow raised. “That is interesting.”
A blush warmed my cheeks, widening my smile. “In what way?”
“My arms, eh? Is that why you asked if I partake in fisticuffs? Because you would like to see me go a round?”
