AllFreeNovel
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Every day has beenthe same since she left. Barren. Lonely. Empty. The first week I called, I messaged, and I badgered her. Hoping in some vain attempt she might reply. She might answer and tell me she was coming back. She didn’t. The realisation that she doesn’t need me, that she’s not my missing piece. That letting myself love her would not heal the cracks of my fucked-up, broken life. I’m not good enough to deserve her love.
The second and third week I started drinking again, not just the odd lager or the occasional JD before bed. Vodka, bourbon, brandy whatever my hands could get hold of went straight down my throat. I started going out by week four and five, venturing to clubs to drink more and to score. Not girls, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go near another woman in my life now I’ve had her. It started with a joint or two, but it’s escalated the same way it always has. Heroin is still off the cards but the numbness after a line or two of cocaine is enough to sate me, to relax me into some vague state of normalness. So, the hole in my heart where she should be doesn’t hurt as much, where the fact that I’m too fucking scared to call my best friends doesn’t frighten me.
And I suppose that takes us to week six. Where I’m sitting in the same club, I chucked my guts up in only a few short weeks ago. Although everything before Ali just seems a million years ago. I grew the balls or maybe the blow did to call Tommy, our bassist and one of my closest friends. Well before I distanced myself, I suppose. It’s been fine. We’ve talked. We’ve drank. Scored a little Charlie. It almost feels semi-normal.
We’re in a booth on the top floor. I suppose it’s a VIP section as nobody is really hassling us. Tom’s clearly on the prowl though. I watch his green eyes shine as they lock with a blonde a couple of tables away from us.
“What do you think, Bainesy?” His lips twitch as he talks, but his eyes don’t turn back to me. He’s got one leg crossed over the other in this stupidly casual stance that appears to have worked all his life to get girls. Me and Finch had been tight at school, he took me under his wing. He was musical too and like me had little to no friends. When Tommy asked to join our band, we were a bit shocked. He was in our year, not exactly a cool kid but he definitely had more credibility than we did. But he was so cool he just didn’t care what anyone thought. I’m still not sure he does. He just wants to play music. To laugh a bit, smoke a bit, shag a lot. There’s not much to dislike about Tom really. Me, Finch, and even Bobs, before he was married, have been described in the tabloids as love rats. As cheaters, of having no respect for women and sleeping around. All is true of course, and Tommy did it too, but he’s always had this zero-commitment thing that he’s so honest about, that nobody has ever really cared. He’s had the odd girl who might hang around for a week or two but that is normally it. I doubt he’ll ever settle down, he’s having far too much fun.
Barbie on the other side of the room really doesn’t seem like she minds one bit as she winks at him, pouting the biggest pink lips I’ve ever seen. She might as well drop her knickers now she’s making it that obvious.
“Max!” Tom says my name again. “I’ve been talking to you and you’re barely even in the room let alone fucking listening.”
“Sorry, dude. Bit distracted,” I admit.
“She is isn’t she.”
“Huh?”
“Her. Blondie over there. Think I might let her take a ride on my cock later.”
“What a lucky girl she is,” I state dryly.
“Seriously, Max. What the fuck is with you?”
“Nothing. Nothing’s fucking with me.”
“It is. Believe it or fucking not I know you man. I know it’s been hard for you since Cali. But seriously, dude, you need to-”
Cali. California. Los Angeles. The minute I hear the word I snap.
“I need to fucking what, Tom? Fucking grow up? Fucking get over it? I’m trying. I’m here with you, aren’t I? Everything about me broke in that damn city.”
“Max, it fucking didn’t. It got hard, yeah, but since when have you let that fucking stop you. The harder the game, the sweeter the prize. That’s what you’ve always said.”
“That was before. It’s not fucking like that anymore.”
“Before what, Max? Before you lost your mum? Because, yeah, that was and is fucking horrendous. You’ll never get over it but it didn’t fucking break you, man. You’re still in there. Our best fucking mate, our brother. He’s in there, dude.”
“This doesn’t even begin to be about my mum,” I spit at him, feeling the anger of the past few weeks pulsing around my body now.
“What’s it about then? And don’t say Finch, because your anger shouldn’t be aimed at him anymore.”
“Why the fuck not? He took her!”
“Took her? Fucking took her. Dude, he loves her. He fucking adores her. Have you even spent any time together with them?”
“Why the fuck would I have wanted to do that?”
“So, you can see it for your own eyes how much he’s fucking changed for her. He’s still our boy, but man oh man, is he fucking whipped now. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone so indebted to another person as Finch is to Cassy.”
“Shut up, dude.”
“No, you fucking shut up. He’s good for her and she’s fucking good for him too, and if you spent some time with them, you’d see that.”
“How the fuck can you know what’s good for her.” I bite.
“Because I fucking care about her. She’s my friend too, and she’s your baby sister. I’m always going to be a little fucking protective. But I’m serious. Just watch them, please.”
