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“I can’t do it, Finch,” I admit.
“What? Be a father?” he asks me with that intense stare on his face again.
“No. This fucking solo thing.” I point at his guitar, “I can’t do it without you. And Bobs and Tommy. Man, we’re family and I need you now more than ever. I don’t want to do it on my own.”
“I know that dude. I think Tommy does too and Bobs certainly does.”
“Why are you all so angry then?” I ask, my voice a little desperate.
“I’m not sure I am. They are. I might be dating your sister but don’t forget I know you more than you know yourself.”
“What does that mean?” I put my fork down and study his reaction.
“It means I knew that you’d never be able to go through with it. I think it hurt that you thought you could. Or maybe it hurt that you thought that was your only option. That you really thought you had no support from us. From me…” he pauses, putting his fork down too.
“Because right or wrong, I fucking love you, dude.” He smiles his usual cheeky smile, bites his lip a little and then starts to laugh.
“I love you too man.” I lean across the island and grab his arm as laughter rings through the house, drowning out the cacophony of emo teenage heartache pouring from my speakers. He shrugs me off.
“But, mate, I’ll stick with you forever. We both know that. The boys need time, but they’ll come round. They always do. You’ve got more important points of your life to focus on first, dude.”
I nod, dropping my head down. “Ali.”
He nods back.
“I told her I loved her in the car last night,” I admit. It sounds a lot more desperate; my eyes find his.
“And you do?”
I nod. “Yeah. I do. Like my heart hurts with how much it pulls for her. I can’t think of anything but her, of the life I want. Us together with this baby, with more babies. With a fucking Labrador and a Land Rover living on a pissing farm. Smiling, laughing, crying, playing guitar and singing my kids to sleep with the love of my life by my side.”
Finch doesn’t say a lot, just smiles then he slams his hands down on the island.
“And he fucking gets it.”
“Gets what?”
“Gets what it’s like to be so indebted to another soul your life revolves around. Like you’re orbiting around them and not the sun. Through the highs and all the fucking lows, you’ll adore that person with all of your being. Like every kiss is better than the last, and every moment is treated as if it’s your last because there’s no second best. To be so incurably in love with someone you know you’d do anything. You’d make the planets align differently if only to see their smile.”
Something about his words stirs something in my normally hard exterior and a hot tear settles in my eye.
“You really love my sister, huh?”
“More than the moon and the stars, buddy. More than I think I’ll ever understand. She’s my sun. My mother fucking sunshine.”
“You know you should really get some of those feelings into songs, dude,” I say.
“Don’t you think I already have?”
I nod with a smile. Of course, my talented, musical, song writing friend has written a bible’s worth of love songs about my baby sister. I let that settle in, a smile tugs at my lips.
“You need to apologise to Ali, dude. You need to talk to her.” My friend pulls me from my daydream. Back to the reality I need to fix.
“I know. I know. Don’t you think I haven’t tried? I’ve called her all day. Nothing.”
“Maybe you need a gesture? Something more than just you.”
“Hmm.” I ponder, crushing the noodle takeaway box and walking towards the bin. “I’ve been thinking about that. How good are you at disguising yourself?”
“Baines… What are you thinking?”
“Well, I need to do something. and I kind of need your help with it. and Cassy’s.” I pause to look back at him. “How are you at cutting in?”
“Cutting in? As in painting? Fuck me, Max, I don’t think I’ve ever actually painted anything in my life.”
“No, me either. But I want to try. Tomorrow, can you pick me up? And we can go to the DIY store?” He looks at me with his crooked smile before he stands.
“Wait, where are you going?”
“To your bedroom. To assess your selection of black baseball caps before we proceed.”
