AllFreeNovel
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He stood at the counter, then turned to face them.
She crossed the kitchen, then touched the tip of his handlebar mustache.
The man reared back. “What are you doing?”
What the hell was she doing?
“Sorry, I’ve wanted to do that since I was five years old.” She shook her head, still quite lightheaded. “What’s wrong with the butter, and what happened to the cookies?”
“How soft was the butter when you combined it with the sugar?” Schuman pressed.
“It was completely melted,” Landon answered.
“That explains it,” the man huffed.
“I don’t understand,” she replied when Mr. Sweet stepped out of the way, revealing the baking pan filled with row upon row of…
She glanced at the phone on the ledge. There was no way it could see the cookies. She waved in her husband. “Holy baking fail, pop star! Why did you make penis cookies?”
“I didn’t,” the man whispered back, tossing a worried look at the livestreaming cell phone. “You and Mr. Sweet zonked out, so I did it myself. They looked like number ones when I used the cookie-cutter, but they baked into—”
“—tiny penises,” she whispered and giggled. “Tiny penises with balls attached.” She studied the penises and frowned. “Why does that look so familiar?” she mused.
One after another, golden-brown penises with golden-brown ball sacs graced the baking tray.
“Why did this happen, Mr. Sweet?” Landon asked with sheer horror written on his face.
“The recipe called for the butter to be softened, not liquified,” Mr. Sweet said, shaking his head.
“Why does that matter?”
“Because when the butter is liquid, the dough enlarges and expands while baking, causing the tip of the number one to mushroom and the base of the number to…”
“Look like a ball sac,” she whispered.
“Yes,” the gentleman agreed.
“Landon Paige,” she giggle-whispered, “you created cookie erections.”
What was up with the giggling? She wasn’t a giggler.
Landon went to the ledge and peered into the camera. “We hope you enjoyed the livestream, and we’ll see you at the challenge.” He pocketed the phone, then came to her side. “Harper, what is going on with you? You’re not acting like yourself.”
“What do you mean?” she said, then caught sight of the oven. “You, oven, were very naughty to give us cookie erections.”
Mr. Sweet walked up to her with the ingredients box in his hands. “There were lollipops in here. You didn’t eat one, did you?”
“Oh, I ate more than one, and they weredee-la-la-la-la-licious,” she sang, and again, she wasn’t sure what was going on with her tongue. It was Tingle City inside her mouth.
“How many have you had?” Schuman pressed.
“She’s had four,” Landon answered.
“Four?” Schuman bellowed.
“What’s wrong with the lollipops?” her heartthrob pressed.
These men needed to chill. Those lollipops were out of this world.
“Are the lollipops making my tongue tingle?” she asked and pressed the tip of her tongue to the kitchen table, then to the chair, then to the toaster. “Weird, everything tastes like buzzy sunshine.”
“Buzzy sunshine?” Landon exclaimed. “Harper, stop licking the table!”
“I’m not licking the table. I’m testing my tongue and sampling sunshine.”
Yeah, she understood that tongue testing was a little strange, but so was communicating with ovens and microwaves, and that had been a lovely experience.
Schuman tossed a nervous glance her way, then eyed the timer. “Pack up the cookies, kids. We’ve got to go. I’ll tell you everything in the car.”
