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“I’m not,” she insisted.“But this is exactly what I was talking about.This isn’t simple, Jasper.It’s not easy.”
“Is it supposed to be?”
“That’s all I have room for in my life,” she said.
I’d wondered if it would come to this.“Are you saying we can’t be together if you’re treating my mother?”
She shrugged.She probably meant for the movement to be casual, but it had all the smoothness of a marionette on a string.“Detachment is better,” she said.“That’s what I’ve learned working in Baltimore.You can’t invest in every person who you meet in an exam room.You can’t get too involved, or let yourself make a personal connection.Half the time, I’ll see a person once and never see them again.My job is to assess their condition and provide recommendations for treatment.It’s not my job to get involved in their lives, and I’m way too involved here.”
She looked so sad.I had to shove my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching for her.Priority one had to be my mother, I knew that.Even if it made my heart crack.It took all my willpower to keep my voice casual.“Look, Edie, what happened by the tree the other day was…” Mind-blowing.Heart-rending.Life-changing.“Unexpected.I enjoyed it, you enjoyed it.It doesn’t have to be any more than that.”
She’d wanted to be reassured that our personal relationship could remain separate from her professional relationship with my mother.So why did she look so stunned?“Right,” she said, then again.“Right.We can just forget about it.”
“Right,” I said, though that was very, very wrong.Neither of us were ever going to forget.And I had been the one to do this to her, to bind her to me, knowing that her life would never be the same.Guilt was almost enough to cool my desire.
“But you’re not the only one I’ve gotten too close to.I like your mother.I really like her,” Edie said.“Probably too much to treat her.”
“I don’t see why that’s an issue.Shouldn’t liking her just make you work harder to take care of her?”
She shook her head.“It makes me blind.I can’t concentrate on solving the problem if I’m dealing with my own fears about what might happen to her.”
“Do you really think you’re going to be able to go back to Baltimore and forget about everything you saw here?”
She walked a little further down the labyrinth path, trailing her fingers over another plant.“That was always the plan.”
“You’re going to forget about shifters.About all of this, everything you’ve learned.”
“That’s what I agreed to.Speaking of which, I looked over the NDA.I made some changes and emailed you back.”
“Changes?”
“My mother knows I’m here.I won’t tell her why, obviously, but I can’t agree to the clause that says I’ll won’t tell anyone I was here.”
“I can accept that.”
“Good.Send it back and I’ll sign it, even though it gives you permission to sue me blind if I violate it.”
There was an opening.“If you’re going to sign your life away, you might as well make it worth it, right?Have you figured out everything you wanted to about shifters?”
She laughed.“God, no.Not even close.Every time I find an answer it brings up ten more questions.”
“So, stay.Learn more.Look, we all know that my mother’s condition is serious.”I had to swallow before I could continue.“No one will blame you for what happens to her.”
“Flint?”
“Flint is an asshole, but he’s not an idiot.Even he knows you couldn’t make my mother transform if she wasn’t willing.And if it’s done damage to her…well, then, shouldn’t we have as many good minds as possible on the case?”
She shook her head, but didn’t reply.
I took a chance and came up behind her.I wanted to touch her—I could practically feel the curve of her shoulder under my hand—but I kept my hands in my pockets.“Stay.My mother needs you.”
I need you.
I didn’t say it, but I could feel it, hanging out there—my needy, hungry heart, exposed.
Edie didn’t turn around.Her shoulders rose and fell as she inhaled, then exhaled.“There are still some things I want to try.I want to talk to Ethan about some options.”
“Okay.”
She risked a glance over her shoulder at me.The need and uncertainty that swirled in her eyes nearly took me out at the knees.I almost, almost reached for her, but then she said, “And you and I can just…step back?”
Her mouth was so close.Her body was calling to mine.I knew she wanted me—everything in her demanded that she throw caution to the wind and give into the desire that cranked up any time we were in each other’s vicinity.I knew it because the same need was crushing me, eating me from the inside out.“Yes.We’ll step back.”
“Okay,” she said, and turned away.
We were halfway through the labyrinth.Even though she could have easily stepped over the barriers and gone straight to the exit, she followed the paths as they wound back and forth.I followed her, wishing I could see another way out.
