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Chapter Twenty-Eight
Edie
“Hot,”Jasperwhisperedinmy ear, licking my neck with a tongue like lava.
“Hot,” I moaned in reply, feeling his skin crackle under my hands everywhere I touched.
He hissed as he sank into me, sending a column of fire up the center of my body.My eyes were aflame, my mouth scalding.Jasper was behind me, curved so close that my spine melted against the molten metal of his chest.He was murmuring in my ear but the words sounded like the cracking of burning wood.His hands were branding me, leaving marks of ownership and possession over every inch of my flesh.
“Hot,” he insisted, sinking his teeth into my neck and bucking me harder, faster.
“Hot,” I gasped as his finger found my clit and sent a shower of sparks arcing into space.
“Edie?Honey, wake up.Are you okay?”
I sucked in a breath, switching realities with a jolt.I was not, in fact, having fiery sex with Jasper.I was on a cot tucked against the wall in the bedroom that I was currently sharing with my mother.“Mom.What?”
“You were making noises, honey.Were you having a nightmare?”
The exact opposite, actually.Actually, this was the nightmare—looking at my mother when my body was still thrumming with unreleased desire.“No.I don’t know.I was dreaming.”
“Do you remember what you were dreaming about?”
“No,” I said, too quickly.“Mom, I’m fine.Let’s go back to sleep.”
Instead, my mother slumped on the floor next to my makeshift bed.I’d insisted that she sleep in the big, comfy queen while I took the cot.Now I was grateful that I hadn’t followed her initial suggestion that we share.These dreams were getting out of hand.I’d thought that having sex with Jasper might assuage my imagination, but apparently not.
She sighed heavily.“Edith, dear, I know you’re upset.I can tell.You’re behaving strangely.You’re having nightmares.You can talk to me, honey.Are you still upset about your father’s death?”
“Mom, come on.It’s the middle of the night,” I said.My phone lit when I touched it, making me squint.“Do you really want to talk about this now?”
“Yes.You keep putting me off,” she complained.“I’ve been here three days and every time I bring it up you skate off on another topic.Now, I’m leaving tomorrow and I still don’t understand how you’re feeling.”
I flopped onto my back, the springs of the cot squealing beneath me.The truth was, I hadn’t thought much about my father’s death since I’d been here.The adventure of having new experiences every day had distracted me from my more complicated emotions.
When I thought about how I felt, the word that came to mind was “relieved.”I’d spent my whole life worried that I’d end up like him.Now I’d ended up exactly where he would have wanted to be, and I loved it.
Of course, I couldn’t tell my mother any of that.
The wind had died down that day after she arrived, and Montana had pulled out its fall colors just for her.The sea of green that climbed the mountains in the distance was now dotted with spreading yellows and orange, and there was a crispness to the air that tasted of the snow that still crowned the mountaintops.More and more I wondered what it would be like to be here when winter descended.What would this landscape look like shrouded in shades of white?And how cozy would it feel to be tucked against Jasper with the passion between us to keep us warm?
“How do I feel?”I mused, speaking more to the ceiling than to my mother.“I’m not that sad.Maybe I should be sadder, but I can’t really mourn for someone who was never a part of my life.I didn’t love him in the way a child is supposed to love their father.”
“He wasn’t the father to you he should have been.”
“I know, Mom.But seeing his house, and being here…it makes me realize how there are parts of me that come from him, and that isn’t entirely bad.”
“Which parts do you think you got from him?”she asked carefully.
I turned on my side and found her in the dark.“Mom.I’m not having a mental break.”Neither had my father, but I couldn’t tell her that.“I’m just taking some time to figure out what I really want for my life.In a way, Dad gave me that gift.How many people get their life turned upside down and land someplace like this?”
“I thought you liked your job.”
“I do.I did.I don’t know.I feel different here.I’m engaged in my work, but my schedule isn’t as grueling.I’m learning new things, dealing with new problems, meeting new people.”
“A certain new person in particular?”
I covered my face with my hand.“No, Mom.”
