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After she came into our lives, I realized my fear of not showing you how to dream big didn’t matter. Because I was never meant to be that mother for you.
I was meant to be the mother who gave you life. The one who kissed your boo-boos and held you after a bad dream and made sure you felt loved unconditionally. I taught you how to be a good human and to work hard and to love everyone you meet but to take crap from no one. I was meant to be your first mom, but not your last.
Addison is the mom that was meant to show you how to pick up the pieces and dive headfirst into uncharted territory, even when it’s scary. She’s the one who can show you how to dream big and then change those dreams if you need to. I know Addison will never let you forget me, but I also know she won’t allow you to dwell in the sadness.
You are going to do great things in this life, and even after I’m gone, I know I’ll still be a part of you. That thought gives me so much comfort. I hope I was a good mom to you, because you were the best daughter I could have ever hoped for. You gave me a reason to live. You were my greatest joy and my best accomplishment. You gave me sunshine on even the darkest of days.
Life will be hard, Willow. It’s hard for all of us. But I want you to live it. I don’t want you to be too scared to make mistakes or walk away from the things that aren’t right for you. I want you to know that even when you make those mistakes, you will always have people in your corner who are pulling for your happiness. I’ve never doubted that your dad could give that to you, but I’m so thankful you’ll have Addison too. I hope you lean on her whenever you need to.
For years, I’ve been so scared to leave you, but I don’t have to be anymore. I know you’re in good hands, baby. And I know I’ve done what I was put on this earth to do, which is to love you and keep you safe for your first ten years of life.
I love you. So, so much. Please never forget that.
Love, Your Mom
The letter falls from my hand, and I curl up into Emily’s side and grab her arm. I know I should be the strong one right now. Emily needs me to say the right things, to assure her I’ll take care of those she’s leaving behind. I know I should be comforting her, but instead, I find myself holding on to her for dear life, sobs racking my body.
I cry for my mother, who must have loved me this deeply but was never given the opportunity to say goodbye.
I cry for Emily and Willow and the loss they’re going to face.
And I cry for the guilt I feel for finding Chase and Willow and knowing that in order for them to be mine, they can’t be Emily’s.
