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KACI
The sludge hammer was heavy in my hands. I heaved it against the wall watching as pieces of drywall came flying back at me. I may or may not have been picturing Jenn Casey’s face the whole time I was tearing down this wall.
Dad came out yesterday and assured me there was no duct work or wires in the wall that I needed to worry about and it could come down. It was a small archway in the middle of two rooms. I wanted it open, so I decided to tear the wall down. It was difficult but nothing I couldn’t handle. I continued to let out my anger.
“Woah killer. Slow down or you’re gonna hurt your back.” Gracey stood on the other end of the archway.
Letting my hammer tumble to the ground I threw my glasses down with it. “My back’s fucking fine! Why does everyone keep acting like its not? For fuck’s sake! It’s fine. I’m fine! Everything is fucking fine!”
Dropping to my knees I felt the tears fall. Gracey lowered down beside me. Ugly fat tears rolled down my face no end in site. All I could do was picture Luke. His smile, his scowl, his laugh. Everything that made him him.
Sobs racked through my body. I was shaking as the tears fell. I pressed my palms against my face willing myself to stop. It just made it worse. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“Yes you can. You’re a fighter.”
Wiping at my face I turned to Gracey. “No. I miss him. I don’t want to hurt like this anymore.”
“Then don’t.”
Two simple words. Then don’t. I wanted to see him. I needed to see him. Maybe it would take the pain away or maybe it would make it worse. What did I have to lose?
“So you’re fine huh?” A glimmer of a smile danced on her lips.
“Yes.” More tears fell. I laughed. Seriously laughed at how crazy this all was. How fucked up my life had become. “I didn’t mean to yell at you.”
“I know.”
“I wish everyone would stop asking about my back. It just pisses me off and makes me think of Luke even more than I’m already am.” I stood up wiping the dust of my legs. The tears had already dried on my cheeks.
Picking up my sludge hammer I continued to strike the wall until the drywall was gone. Only the wood beams showing. Sweat poured down my face. My best friend just stood there watching me.
“What?” I asked with more snark then was needed.
“Nothing.”
“Grace just spit it out.” I gulped down some water.
“I didn’t know you didn’t want people asking about your back. I just don’t want to see you hurt again is all.” We both knew this wasn’t just about my back anymore.
Shitty friend, me. “I know. I just want to forget about it. About that day. I know it’s from a place of love. I just… I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” She picked up her sludge hammer finishing off her wall while I unscrewed the two by fours from the supporting beams.
Once the archway was done we started on the wall in the bathroom. It went into a small storage room and I just wanted it to be all one space. There were washer and dryer hook ups along the outside wall so it would now be a laundry room and bathroom combo.
The bathroom wall came down easier than expected. We hauled all the pieces out to the trailer. When everything was emptied out we stood in the middle of the living room looking around.
“Okay now what?” Gracey asked for directions.
“Well I need to paint the ceiling, like all of it everywhere. And I want to white wash all the trim. Probably should do both those things before painting anything else. Right?”
“Right. Do we need to go get paint?”
Groaning I replied. “Yeah were going to have to head into town.”
We somehow managed to unhook the trailer from Drake’s pickup. It all came back to me once I pulled the pin. I used to do it for Luke all the time. Hopping in the passenger seat Gracey fired up the engine and pulled out of the driveway.
“Ugh is everything I do always going to remind me of Luke?”
